


Red Stars

by wjmoon (sodapeach)



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Explicit Language, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, background yogyul, it’s not a lot i promise but it’s there, mention of cancer scare, they’re whipped your honor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21538357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodapeach/pseuds/wjmoon
Summary: Seungyoun doesn’t know why they broke up, but his life is thrown through a loop when he’s reunited with the love of his life under peculiar circumstances. When he finds out Seungwoo’s reasons for leaving and coming back, he has to decide if he can take him back or if he has to send him away for his own sake. Meanwhile, they learn there are problems that are better dealt with together.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Han Seungwoo
Comments: 46
Kudos: 185





	Red Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the long winded summary, but this started out as a blind date gone wrong, and became a very long thing idk I hope you like it 😭 
> 
> Title: Red Stars - The Birthday Massacre — I can’t say that this fic is at all based on this song, but I listened to it the whole time I wrote it on repeat so it probably influenced the song.
> 
> Content warning: some panic attacks, PTSD mention, a cancer scare mention that although is a plot point it takes up a very small amount of the story this isn’t a sad cancer heart wrenching story

It was late. 

Seungyoun didn’t want to be out all night waiting on someone he had never met before, but he wasn’t the kind of person to stand someone up especially when it wasn’t the person’s fault that he had to wait so long. He just hoped that  _ he  _ wasn’t getting stood up in the process. If that was the case, he was just going to have to spend the next three weeks treating Yohan like his own personal servant for setting his public humiliation in motion.

It  _ was  _ Yohan’s fault, after all. He insisted that he had to return the favor after Seungyoun introduced him to Hangyul a while ago, but he wasn’t ready to jump into the dating pool again — not even for a cheap hookup. Not that Yohan’s arrangement for him was necessarily cheap nor a hookup, but in the time it took him to get from the suggestion months ago to there where his feet were planted, he had only kind of been ready. Like he wasn’t  _ ready,  _ but he didn’t have an emotional breakdown on the way there.

Finally after months of moping and deleting old photos, he had a glimmer of a thought that he might be starting to get over Han Seungwoo. Except a part of him feared that he never really ever would.  _ But _ whoever it was who waited for him on the other side of the number sitting in his text messages didn’t need to know that. It wouldn’t kill him to have a couple of drinks with Yohan’s friend or cousin or whoever he was, and if he got a new friend out of it (or at least a temporary distraction), then what was the harm in it?

He looked back at his phone and scrolled through the messages between them. Little gray bubbles filled with apologies for taking so long told him that he at least was considerate. He didn’t know much else about him except for his age, that he had to work late at the last minute, and that he used too many emojis. Nothing to complain about yet.

But it was getting late, and he was ready to reschedule. There were a million things he could have been doing instead of waiting for a stranger, and all of them sounded more appealing by the minute. He pressed on the message bubble to pull up the keyboard, but before he could start typing, a new bubble appeared.

_ I’m here sorry about the wait. _

Seungyoun sighed, a wave of disappointment washing over him that was immediately replaced with the unbearable nerves of a first meeting. What if he hated him, or worse, what if he liked him? He stuck his head up over the crowd, grateful to be tall in a moment like that. He knew to look out for a long sandy brown coat, and that the person he was meeting was about his height, Yohan had said. So that helped. Plus, he doubted he would have a girlfriend or boyfriend hooked around his arm like most of the other guys there in long brown coats — but if that was the scenario he was walking into, he would have at least appreciated a warning first.

As he searched, more eager than he meant to, he caught the gaze of a familiar pair of eyes looking at him that chilled him to the bone. It couldn’t be. He reached up and touched his glasses, otherwise frozen in place, to make sure that he was wearing a pair with lenses. His fingertip found glass, and he swallowed. The only other explanation was that he was so tired he was hallucinating because surely the man approaching him, splitting the crowd in half down the middle with his own particular aura, could not have been Han Seungwoo.

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” he said, shattering Seungyoun like glass. He was real. He was there. He was  _ speaking.  _ He needed more time to process that any of those three things were possible. First, he was less likely to be a hallucination now that he was standing close enough that if the wind blew right, Seungyoun would be able to smell his cologne that he spent months trying to forget. Second, of all the places in the world for him to appear out of thin air, it had to be at the one place Seungyoun was waiting for his blind date to show up at at any minute only seconds after he was supposed to be looking for him. Third, Seungwoo had spoken and was waiting patiently for a response while Seungyoun stared dumbly with his mouth parted waiting for himself to process the first two bits of information. He processed them.

“I’m meeting someone,” he blurted out.  _ I didn’t expect to see you either. How have you been? Did you miss me? I missed you. Wait, no I didn’t. I barely remember you. What was your name again? I don’t have it tattooed over my heart. That never happened. I would have had it removed, but I heard it’s painful. Actually, I’m here to meet someone. I have a date. I have a date with someone who isn’t you. He’ll be here at any moment. He’s tall and good looking. I’ve never seen him before, but he’s probably better looking than you are. Except no one is better looking than you are. What are you doing here? _

“Me too,” Seungwoo said, a soft pained smile on his face that made Seungyoun wish he didn’t have to know why he was there too. He didn’t want to think about him dating someone else. He had just gotten over the heartbreak that came with thinking about  _ himself  _ being with someone else. He needed at least another six months to get over Seungwoo dating again. He wasn’t ready. Fuck, he wanted to go home. “Do you want to wait for them together?”

“Sure,” he said, his voice cracking. If he was lucky, his own date would find him first, and he could leave and be the kind of nervous he was supposed to be far away from what he was currently nervous about. If he wasn’t so freaked out by Seungwoo being there, he would have told him no for multiple reasons. First, he didn’t want to stand next to him. Second, he didn’t want to have to talk to him like he was a normal person he knew casually. Third, he didn’t want his date to miss him because he was waiting with someone else. Someone he couldn’t stop himself from staring at.

He forced himself to look away, scanning the crowd desperately for a new lost face, but never focusing on anyone. If he had to describe anyone else there, he was sure he couldn’t remember what anyone else looked like except for Seungwoo. But Seungwoo didn’t need to know that. Minutes passed, and he was getting anxious. What if he saw them talking earlier and decided to leave? What if he was lost on the other side of the market. It could have been dark and cold and disorienting for someone who wasn’t used to it. What was taking him so long?

He pulled out his phone and typed a quick  _ where are you  _ and hit send, too anxious to wait anymore. Next to him he felt Seungwoo shuffle and presumably send the person he was meeting the same message too. At least that meant he was probably anxious and ready to leave too. The sentiment was shared, if not painful. 

Seungyoun’s date responded quickly.  _ I’m here under the big blue neon sign.  _ He looked up and furrowed his brow, checking the message again before shoving the phone in his jacket pocket. There wasn’t a big blue neon sign anywhere in sight. There were plenty of red and white signs but nothing blue. He frowned. 

He tilted his head up, frustrated, ready to give up and face the consequences later when a flash of blue caught his eye. He craned his neck to see the glow hovering over his own head and gulped.  _ Impossible _ .

“Who are you meeting?” Seungyoun asked loudly, almost demanding an answer.

“I don’t know,” he said, his eyes wide. “But I don’t think that’s any of your business right now.”

Seungyoun shook his head, frustrated with Seungwoo, and pulled out his phone. He called the number he wasn’t supposed to call and held the phone up to his own ear and waited as his heart pounded in his chest. Seungwoo furrowed his brow at him, confused, but he was pulled away by the vibration in his pocket that stole his attention. He looked at the screen and back up at the crowd before answering. “Hello?”

“Hello,” Seungyoun said, his own voice echoing through Seungwoo’s earpiece. The whole world froze around him as he watched the other turn back at him, eyes shaking.

Seungwoo stared at him, first in confusion, then realization, then horror, and then something else he couldn’t identify. Disappointment? Contempt? Or something else entirely. His mouth went dry as he searched for the words to say. Should he laugh? Should he apologize? He couldn’t even hang up the phone, the sound of Seungwoo’s rough, labored, filtered breathing in his ear.

“Who are you meeting,” Seungwoo said, his voice hoarse.

Seungyoun swallowed, the dryness in the back of his throat drawing out a cough.

“I don’t know if that’s any of your business,” he parroted quietly.

“It is now.”

Seungyoun blinked and tore his eyes away, coming to his senses. He ended the call and shoved his phone away, wishing he had something better to hold onto. He took a breath and forced himself to smile. “I’m sorry you had to come all the way out here. I’m sure you’ve got a lot going on.”

The change in him startled Seungwoo. It took him a few seconds to register what he was saying before he shook his head. “I’m sorry you waited for me.”

He looked away, his mouth thinning. The bitterness he felt from that one simple phrase was more overwhelming than the anxiety of a blind date. Did he even know what he was saying? Who he was saying them to?

“You were late,” he said, forcing himself not to think too much into it. “It happens.”

“Still,” he said, like he wanted to say something else, but then his face changed too into something lighter. “Well, we’re already here. Might as well not make it go waste.”

“We don’t have to,” he said.

“No, this is good,” Seungwoo said. “We can skip all of the awkward stuff and just hang out like old friends. It doesn’t have to be weird. Plus, you waited for like two hours, and it wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t make it up to you.”

_ This is the awkward stuff. It  _ is _ weird.  _ “You’re right. You do need to make it up to me.”

Seungwoo snorted, a broad closed mouth smile stretching across his face from ear to ear. His stomach churned. He forgot how he could miss a smile so much. But this was good. This was how he could prove he was over him. They could hang out as friends, and he wouldn’t cry even a little bit.

“Do you still like pizza,” he asked. “Unless you want something fancy…”

“Who said pizza isn’t fancy,” Seungyoun said, slipping naturally into their old banter before he could put up the wall he needed to. It wasn’t supposed to be this easy. It wasn’t supposed to feel normal. “It’s Italian food. Italian food is fancy.”

“I don’t know if Italian people would consider our pizza fancy,” he considered, cocking his head to the side.

“That’s just because you don’t appreciate it as a necessity,” he defended. “Necessities are fancy.”

“So water is fancy?”

“Of course,” he said. “And do you know what else is fancy?”

“What?”

“Beer,” he said.

“And it’s a necessity,” Seungwoo nodded sagely.

“Now you’re getting it.”

To say he needed a drink was an understatement. To say he needed ten drinks probably came closer to how rattled he was feeling, but after Seungwoo asked for a bottle of water, he felt too self conscious to bother with either.

“You driving?”

Seungwoo shook his head. “I’m watching out for my health.”

“Oh,” he said, surprised. “And pizza is healthy?”

“I can have pizza,” he laughed. “I don’t know if it’s healthy.”

“It vaguely has tomatoes on it,” he said, inspecting a limp slice. “At least in the sauce.”

“No, that’s just ketchup,” he said. “But I guess ketchup has tomatoes in it.”

“You don’t put ketchup on pizza,” Seungyoun said, disgusted.

“Well don’t get mad at me! I’m not the one who cooked it!”

He lifted up the slice and put it to his mouth, taking a small investigative bite. He chewed a bit and scowled. “Oh my god, you’re right. This is ketchup.”

They sat together at a small outdoor table with a couple of slices they ordered from a small vendor through a window and a couple bottles of water that weren’t quite what he needed on a chilly night, but he thought they would get the job done for a date he was eager to finish. Except he hadn’t considered that he would have to choke down the strangest pizza he had ever encountered to do so.

“We could get something else,” Seungwoo suggested, ignoring the slice in front of him like it was forbidden to look at.

Seungyoun tore off a small piece of his and tossed it to the back of his mouth to swallow without having to taste it or chew. “I think it’s fine.”

“You’re being stubborn,” he said.

“I’m being conservative,” he corrected. “I don’t just throw food away.”

Seungwoo’s mouth thinned. “You shouldn’t have to eat the pizza just because you paid for it.”

“I didn’t pay for it.”

“Right, I did,” he said, standing up. He grabbed Seungyoun’s and his food and tossed them into the garbage a few feet away, ignoring his protests. “Now I’m going to go buy something else that doesn’t taste like saltwater and ketchup.”

“No, I’m buying it,” he said, hurrying to get up too.

“Not happening.”

“You can’t stop me,” he said.

“If you take your wallet out, I’ll steal it,” Seungwoo threatened.

“You’re going to steal my wallet,” Seungyoun said in disbelief as he trailed behind him.

“Yeah, you still have all those credit cards? I think I might buy a plane ticket to Italy where the real pizza is,” he mused.

“And what makes you think you’d get out of the country with  _ my  _ credit cards?”

“I mean you’ll be with me,” he said, getting in line for a different food vendor. “It would be kind of hard to report me when you’re on the plane too.”

Seungyoun swallowed nervously, the mere idea of the two of them on a trip together rendering him thoughtless. “What makes you think I would be there?”

“You’re the one who likes pizza,” he shrugged.

“Right,” he shook himself, coming back to his senses. “Pizza.”

It was such a tempting notion to slip back into a place where he could joke about traveling the world with him, but if he let himself pretend for a moment that it was even remotely in his future, he wasn’t sure he could recover. Not for a second time, at least. But Seungwoo didn’t seem to mind. In fact, there wasn’t a single part of him that seemed like any of it mattered. It was just a joke to him, and if it was a joke to Seungwoo, then it was a joke to Seungyoun too.

“Bold of you to assume if we’re eating on my credit card, I would let you have any,” he said, firing a cold jab that certainly sent a message that he didn’t care either.

“You’re not the kind of person to let someone starve,” he said, unbothered, but before Seungyoun could open his mouth, they were at the window ready to order and for some reason, he decided that he was going to take control of the situation one way or another.

He extended his leg forward and dragged himself to the front of the line, almost knocking Seungwoo over in the process. Seungwoo didn’t even have a chance to yelp before he yelled out their order, remembering what Seungwoo liked to eat and kicking himself for making it that obvious that he didn’t have to ask. The man behind the window was startled by his sudden lunge, but since Seungwoo, who by all rights was first in line, didn’t actually react, he just took at as two people who were meant to eat together. He swallowed. It was a date, wasn’t it. At least from the outside, that’s what it must have looked like, but it wasn’t. Sure, it started as an ill planned blind date, but the whole point of eating together was so that Seungyoun could accept his apology for making him wait so long, especially when it turned out that he was the person he never wanted to meet again. But that was something he would have to deal with later. 

In the corner of his eye, he saw Seungwoo reach into his pocket, but he had no plans fornletting Seungwoo pretend he was taking him out. He wasn’t his date. He was just someone he had happened to meet unintentionally. Before he could pay and ruin the whole thing, Seungyoun whipped out his money and covered their slightly better dinner.

Seungwoo looked at him and raised his eyebrow.

“What are you going to do? Steal my wallet,” he challenged.  _ Are we going on a trip together? Do you think I’ll let you get away with it? _

“I guess not,” he said, and as he looked away to focus his attention elsewhere, a part of Seungyoun wished he would have tried it. He was driving himself crazy. He knew it. He wasn’t stupid, but being around Seungwoo made him like this again. Without him he was empty. Without him, next to him, he was erratic. He was going to kill Yohan for this.

“Good,” he said. “Because I don’t have any cards anymore.”

“You don’t?” He asked, not quite interested but not quite disinterested.

“I’m trying to live moderately,” he said. Seungwoo smirked, but it wasn’t a cocky smirk. It was just a quick faint smile as he remembered Seungyoun’s bad habits that he had spent years trying to help him control, but he wasn’t allowed to feel amused by that. “Since I moved out.”

Seungwoo sucked his teeth. “Right. I didn’t think about that.”

“I have a nice place now,” he said cheerfully, suddenly feeling a pang of regret for saying something so pointed. “It’s small, but it’s in a good neighborhood and my landlady brings me food.”

“Is she trying to make you her son in law,” Seungwoo laughed, the mood lightening a little, but the wound was there where he had left it.  _ I have to save money now because we don’t live together anymore, but I’m okay. I’m happy now, and you don’t have a reason to worry. Don’t worry about me. Don’t think about me. Let’s just go our separate ways again, alright? We don’t have to pretend like this was supposed to happen. You don’t have to feel bad about anything. I’m alright. _

“She might be,” he said, holding his tongue against a thousand thoughts that were ready to fly out of him faster than he thought he could stop them. It was mostly successful considering Seungwoo immediately felt the urge to change the subject.

“Do you need ketchup with yours?” he asked.

Seungyoun grimaced, immediately thinking about the pizza he had forced himself to eat only moments before. “I think I’m good.”

Seungwoo hummed, wandering off through the market. This time they didn’t need to stop and worry about a table, and it meant that they both would have an easier time avoiding eye contact. They walked around, eating quietly, not bothering with a conversation they didn’t need to have, but Seungyoun had a hard time ignoring how awkward it felt being there with him.

“It’s kind of late,” Seungwoo said once they had finished eating and had nothing left to distract themselves with. 

“You ready to go?” 

“I was just going to say that everything is closed,” he said.

“Ah, yeah.”

“Sorry,” he said. “If I would have known I was going to be so late, I would have told you to go home, but I was too exci–.”

Seungyoun looked away, feeling a burning behind his eyes and his mouth going dry. Why did he want to cry? Why did he feel like the wound had been reopened so suddenly? Why did Seungwoo have to know that what he was about to say would have been cruel enough that he needed to stop himself?

“I mean, I should have cancelled,” Seungwoo said.

“It’s fine,” he said, tearing at a piece of dead skin on his lip until it bled. “We don’t have to do this.”

“Do what,” he asked.

“Whatever this is,” he said. “Pretending like either of us wants to be here.”

“I do wa–,” he started before shutting his mouth. “I’m sorry.”

Seungyoun forced himself into a closed eyed smile and bounced. “It  _ is  _ late, though. It was good to see you again. Maybe I’ll see you around next time.”

“Yeah,” he blinked, looking paler than usual. “Next time.”

He waved and turned his back to him to walk away, fighting through the sickness that threatened to turn his stomach inside out. He refused to turn around and look at him because they both knew there would never be a next time.

  
  


“I’m going to kick your ass,” Seungyoun said the moment he saw Yohan and his goofy unsuspecting face walk through the door. There weren’t any customers so if he decked him, there was no one there who could prove he did it, and he happened to know that the security camera on site didn’t actually work. How did he know that? A few months before, a serial flasher struck the neighborhood and thought what better place to camp out at to show his shriveled up manhood to unsuspecting pedestrians at than right smack dab in front of a music store with Fancy by Twice playing softly in the background. Yohan and Hangyul had chased him off several times with a few threatening kicks, but as far as Seungyoun knew, no one had ever caught him.

“What– what did I do?” Yohan stuttered as Seungyoun grabbed him by the collar with enough force to untuck his shirt. As if he didn’t know.

“You set me up with my own ex boyfriend you psychopath,” he said, ready to knock his bunny teeth right out of his head.

“How was I supposed to know it was the same Han Seungwoo,” he squealed, trying to wiggle his way out of Seungyoun’s unbreakable grasp.

“How many Han Seungwoo’s do you know,” he asked, shaking him.

“Just the one,” he said, terrified.

_ “Exactly,”  _ Seungyoun shouted, wild eyed and furious.

_ “Ohhh,”  _ Yohan said before forcing himself to smile. “Hangyul, help.”

“Nuh uh,” he said, keeping a safe distance. “This isn’t about me.”

“It will be if he breaks my nose,” Yohan shrank away, afraid of the beating that awaited him. 

“Do you have any idea how much that sucked,” Seungyoun said, letting go. “Like, do you have  _ any idea  _ what you put me through, and for what? A date I didn’t even want to go on?! So not only did I have to wait all night for my ex boyfriend to appear out of thin air when I didn’t even want to be there in the first place, I had to actually go on a date with him, on top of finding out that he’s dating again?!”

“I don’t know if that necessarily means he's dating,” Hangyul said. “And no one forced you to actually stay on the date, did they?”

“You weren’t there,” Seungyoun snapped.

“I’m sorry,” Yohan pleaded. “I’ll literally never set you up with anyone ever again. I promise.”

“Oh, you’ll do more than that,” he said, his mouth thinning. “Today you’re doing all the inventory by yourself.”

“What?!”

“You heard me,” Seungyoun said. “Unless you want to stay on the floor while I recite my entire shitty ass breakup with the guy  _ you set me up with  _ from memory.”

“Understood,” he said, weaseling off to the back of the store to safety.

If he had to make a list of the ten worst things a friend had ever done to him, Yohan’s blind date arrangement would have been at the very top. How could anyone be so thoughtless? Did he really think he was doing him a favor? The worst part was that he didn’t even want to go in the first place. This was going to set him back so far he wasn’t sure he could get over it.

“He didn’t mean it,” Hangyul said quietly, approaching him with the caution one would use to tame a wild animal. “He didn’t know.”

Seungyoun sighed. “I know, but I should still kick his ass.”

“You couldn’t even if you wanted to,” he said with a weak sympathetic smile.

“I’m not that nice,” he said.

“No, but Yohan is a taekwondo athlete,” Hangyul reminded him. “Like the ‘making the country’ proud kind.”

“Oh yeah,” he said. “I forgot... He still deserves it.”

Hangyul sighed. “Just don’t take it out on him too much. He’s fragile.”

“You’re too soft with him,” Seungyoun said, squeezing his shoulder. 

“I’m just a soft person,” Hangyul folded his arms over his chest and huffed. “Maybe you’ve just gone hard.”

“I’m still fun and cheerful,” he said.

“I’m sure you can be.”

The next day Yohan and Hangyul weren’t at work, and he had the store to himself. He couldn’t remember why they weren’t there exactly, but he was pretty sure that Yohan had a dentist appointment to get his wisdom teeth pulled, and Hangyul had promised either to take care of him or to record all of the stupid shit he said after the anesthesia wore off. Either way, it was just him for the day, and since there weren’t any major group releases happening that day, he was pretty sure it was going to go by slowly but at least easily.

At some point he discovered that a fan had come in and rearranged all the albums so that the groups they didn’t like were all either turned around or hidden behind copies of albums belonging to the group they did like. Seungyoun sighed. Literally the only person in the world this was an inconvenience to was him, but he hoped the clout was worth it.  _ You sure showed them. Turning them around so no one could figure out who the group is. Ha ha ha. It’s a mystery. No one will ever know the giant rainbow album with all the members names on it is from NCT. You got ‘em. I’m so blown away by your shenanigans. And who would have ever guessed the black and pink boxes could be Blackpink albums? Not me, that’s who. _

He was so busy grumbling about having to figure out how to place the albums with the bad packaging so that they wouldn’t fall over, that he didn’t notice a new customer come into the store to browse. Seriously, who thought it was a good idea to store a fragile CD and all of the album goodies in an album package made out of folded and (barely) taped together cardboard? He wasn’t so busy, though, that he didn’t feel the lingering discomfort of being stared at. If people needed assistance, he wished they would just come up to him and ask. He wasn’t going to bite.

He sighed and put on his best welcoming and helpful expression before turning back to see what shy music lover wanted his attention, but when he saw the face looking back at him, his blood ran cold.

“Hey,” Seungwoo said, looking as anxious as Seungyoun felt.

“Hey,” he said back. He shook himself and tried to force himself back into salesperson mode. “Can I help you?”

“No, thanks, I’m just looking,” he said, softly, pretending to be a regular customer. It wasn’t fair how good he looked even under fluorescent lighting, and it wasn’t fair how of all the times for a song to play over the store’s speakers it had to be Eung Eung right at that moment. 

It had been dark when he last saw him, and he was barely able to keep his eyes open in the cold, late night air. Seungwoo had felt like a mirage then like a part of him had been dreaming. But as he looked at him, fully alert, he looked even better than he last remembered. He looked lighter like he was a person finally allowed to breathe clean air. He looked happy. He must have been happier.  _ You must be happier without me. I’m happy for you. _

Seungyoun stared at him for a while, too long in fact, but Seungwoo didn’t seem to notice, or if he did notice he didn’t seem to mind. His eyes went from the way his soft hair that always smelled like lavender and jasmine was parted in the middle of his forehead, no longer hiding him behind a veil, to the bridge of his nose, down to the shape of his mouth that always looked its best when he wore a partial smile, down to to the cut of his jaw that made him look more like a god than a regular customer in a music store.

He stared back, curious and waiting, giving Seungyoun the chance to speak first. He could tell him to leave or he could pretend he didn’t know him. That was in his hands, but the problem was, he was afraid if he spoke, he would break the spell he was under that made him feel like everything was okay.

“What are you doing here,” he asked, his voice shaking treacherously.

Seungwoo blinked, not offended, but shaken out of his own thoughts he was sucked into. “Yohan told me where you work.”

“Why did he do that,” he asked, flaring his nostrils. Why was he being tested? Was Yohan not afraid of him? Why was he playing these sick games on him? How did he deserve any of this? He didn't even remotely break his nose!

“Because I asked,” he admitted.

“Why?” his voice cracked. “I mean, did you need something?”

Seungwoo shook his head, the smile he wore fading slowly. “No, I just wanted to see you. Is that bad?”

“I don’t know,” he said.  _ Of course, it’s bad. Why would you think that was okay? Do you think I want to see you? Again? And here? In my place of work? This is my safe space. This was a place you never touched. This was a place I never looked for you. I never had to wait for you to show up one day and come back for me, but now look at you. You’ve gone and showed up at this sacred space, and for what? To look at me? Why? Why can’t you just look at someone else like whoever it was you thought you were meeting instead of me? I bet he would have been someone you could show up at his work just to see without it being a problem, but that wasn’t me. Or, it was me, but it wasn’t supposed to be. Why are you here?  _

“Do you get commissions?” He asked, tearing his eyes away. “I’ve always wondered about places like this since fans buy in bulk.”

“I do,” he said almost dizzy from the conversation switch. “I don’t know about other places, but we get a little bit from every album sale.”

Seungwoo hummed and nodded. “I guess I’m going to look around for a bit.”

“Help yourself,” he said. The moment Seungwoo disappeared behind a shelf, he closed his eyes tight and grabbed his chest. The dull ache that lingered from when he left him at the market grew to an unignorable stabbing pain that left him breathless. If he didn’t already know what it meant, he would have thought he was having a heart attack. He just had to endure it. He had to thicken his skin to withstand seeing Seungwoo again. That was all it would take. He rubbed the pain away and wandered off behind the counter. At least if he made himself look busy there, he wouldn’t look as aimless and frazzled as he felt.

He dusted off the counter, repositioned some displays, and made sure everything was neat and tidy in case the boss came in, although he doubted it. As long as he kept himself concentrated on his work, he wouldn’t have to watch Seungwoo wander around the store at a staggering pace like he never intended to leave.

After awhile, he had successfully distracted himself by humming Eung Eung to himself at least fifteen times and selling three BTS albums to a man who claimed they were for his daughter, but he was too eager to talk about how much he liked Jungkook for Seungyoun to believe him. There wasn’t even any evidence that this man even had a daughter.  _ Suspicious. _ He almost forgot Seungwoo was there.

Until he appeared with a random stack of albums in his arms like a foreigner visiting the country for the first time.

“Find everything you need?” He asked, eyeing the bundle as Seungwoo placed them down, careful not to drop any on the floor.

“Almost,” he said. “But I think this is all I can take home with me today.”

Seungyoun hummed. He scanned the stack that included releases from Seventeen, Red Velvet, Oh My Girl, EXO, Monsta X, Mamamoo, Lovelyz, Infinite, and of course Apink. Eung Eung was ruined for him forever, but that was just a song he was going to have to say thank you but sorry and goodbye to. He didn’t know Seungwoo liked this kind of music so much, but people changed. He wasn’t sure of the exact time, but he guessed it had been at least a year and a few months since he last saw him in the context where he would know what kind of music he liked anyway.

As he scanned them, he forced himself to stop thinking about himself in the car with Seungwoo listening to their shared playlist that he could no longer manage to listen to, too many artists lost to a different time and place. He held the Red Velvet album in his hand a little longer than he meant to. It was the only album in the stack that was included with their special songs. Seungwoo used to dance to Bad Boy when they were alone. It was his guilty pleasure, and he made it Seungyoun’s guilty pleasure too. Then there was the b-side Kingdom Come that had its own special memory, and the pain was back again. He winced at the stab in his stomach.

“What’s wrong,” Seungwoo said, ducking to get a better look at his scowling face.

“Nothing,” he said. “I’m just not feeling well today.”

“Do you need to go to the hospital?”

Seungyoun shook his head. “I need to watch the store.”

“Right, no one else is here,” he said quietly. Seungyoun looked at him confused by how he knew that, but of course he would have noticed if there was no one else there other than him. “Do you want me to run and get you any medicine?”

“No thank you,” he said flatly.  _ This is because you’re here making me think about falling in love with you and making promises we couldn’t keep. Why would you stick the knife in, and then act surprised when the blood comes out?  _ “I’ll be fine. It’s just a stomach ache.”

“Don’t eat so much junk food,” he said, taking the bag of albums. There were shadows under his eyes as he said it, but Seungyoun didn’t mention them. It wasn’t any of his business if Seungwoo hadn’t been sleeping enough or if he was stressed. There was nothing he could do about it.

“Try to sleep more,” he said with a thin smile, sending him off. Seungwoo never rested enough. He always said it was a waste of time.

Seungwoo looked up at him surprised.  _ No, I don’t care. It doesn’t matter to me if you’re tired or if you’re sick or if you’re stressed, so it shouldn’t matter to you if I’m any of those things either.  _ Sensing that it wasn’t an invitation, he nodded and left, taking Bad Boy and Kingdom Come with him.

As soon as he was out the door and out of sight, Seungyoun collapsed onto the counter, clutching his chest. He gasped for air that wouldn’t fill his lungs, and he would have screamed if he didn’t worry the shop next door would hear him and send for help.  _ I’m fine. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  _ If this kept up, he was going to have to go to the hospital, but he was sure it was just stress. He had dealt with this before.

He was sure the pain would ease up once he was gone, but he couldn’t stop thinking about him. He looked different in small ways. His hair was shorter than before, and his face was thinner. Even his clothes hung off of him in places that used to be broad. Maybe he changed his eating habits.

But he was worried about his health, wasn’t he? He said he stopped drinking, but then Seungyoun had a thought. Before they broke up, Seungwoo was in a car accident, and he wasn’t sure whose fault it was because they weren’t together long enough after it happened for him to find out the details. Had he been drinking then? He was sure he wasn’t the type of person to do something so stupid, but if he had made a mistake, it would have made sense for him to stop drinking and lose weight from stress. What if he hurt someone? Who was he to worry about Seungyoun’s health then?  _ He should worry about his own problems. I hope he’s okay. _

Seungyoun shook himself and forced himself to get on with the rest of his day, the ache in his chest fading into something tolerable, but every time he blinked he saw his face, and it wasn’t just the face that he had spent months dreaming about against his will, but it was somehow someone different who he didn’t know yet, and he wondered, despite himself, he would ever get the chance to.

  
  


A few days later for some reason, Yohan thought he was feeling well enough after having his teeth removed to meet up for dinner to celebrate having two less bones inside his head, whatever that meant.

“I can eat soup,” he insisted, firmly set on the fact that they needed to go out whether they liked it or not. “And maybe noodles!”

“I don’t think you can have noodles,” Hangyul considered. “Is slurping allowed?”

“I don’t think so,” Seungyoun said. “This isn’t a good idea.”

“I can have soft tofu soup, and I can smell whatever you guys are having,” he said. “It would make me feel better if we did something that wasn’t work or me eating yogurt in my apartment by myself while Hangyul ignores me for a week.”

“I’m not ignoring you,” Hangyul said. He looked at Seungyoun for help, and if it was Yohan who needed saving, he would have pretended he didn’t know what was going on for obvious reasons. The thing was, Yohan said something while he was loopy after going to the dentist that apparently he didn’t remember because if he did, he probably would have wanted to get as far away from Hangyul as possible because of the shame.

“He told me loves me,” Hangyul had said after he got him home that evening. He was so frazzled that Seungyoun didn’t have the chance to complain (or mention) to either of them that he saw Seungwoo only hours before.

“Isn’t that a good thing,” he had asked, never one to meddle in their relationship. He didn’t even know they hadn’t gotten to that point yet.

“I don’t know if it’s that kind of relationship. I mean I like him a lot, but I don’t know if it’s the same as what you ha– I mean, I don’t know if it’s real.”

Seungyoun had to pretend like that wasn’t his second worst blow of the day, but he was becoming an expert at hiding new wounds. “I can’t tell you if you do or not, but it’s possible he didn’t mean it. All you can do is ask when he’s feeling better.”

Unfortunately Hangyul was never able to muster up the courage so being in the same room with Yohan terrified him. Yohan pretended to be a tough guy, but he was clingy and needy and the sudden separation from Hangyul was throwing him through a loop. If they weren’t going to talk about it, Seungyoun was going to have to be the buffer. He didn’t want to be the buffer, but they were his friends, and they needed him.

“Maybe we should all go,” Seungyoun said, regretting the words instantly. “The three of us, I mean.”

Hangyul breathed a breath of relief, and Yohan’s face lit up like a window at Christmas.  _ How did I become their dad? Please, I want to stay home and mope and drink and be sad. I don’t want to keep them from being awkward with each other! _

“Great, let’s meet up at that burger place down the street,” Yohan said with a gleeful smile.

“Soup!” Seungyoun and Hangyul shouted.

He winced. “Fine!”

After work, the three of them headed to a local restaurant that had soft tofu stew for Yohan and chewable foods for the two of them. But oh how precious the number two was until it became three.

“Sorry, I’m late,” a voice said from behind Seungyoun that sent a now familiar cold shiver down his spine. He practically leapt up to greet him, not sure if he was just being respectful because he was older or if he was excited to see him, but when he turned around, Seungyoun was the only one at the table he was looking at, and suddenly he forgot how to use his words.  _ I didn’t know you were coming, but you can go wherever you want whenever you want. I’m going to kick Yohan’s ass, regardless.  _

“We were just about to order,” Yohan said, not at all realizing what kind of chaos he had caused. Hangyul at least had the decency to look startled. 

Seungwoo took the only available seat at the table next to Seungyoun, but he didn’t look at him again, gathering by Seungyoun’s dumbfounded expression that him being there was a complete surprise. “I was working again.”

“How did your appointment go,” Yohan asked, and Hangyul elbowed him, a gesture that did not go unnoticed.

“It was fine,” he said, short. “How is your mouth?”

“It’s already better! I can eat–.”

“Soup!” Seungyoun and Hangyul said, already used to him trying to weasel his way out of eating anything but meat and other things he wasn’t supposed to chew.

Seungwoo smirked. “Nice try.”

“It was worth a shot,” Yohan sighed, his face still puffy from the extraction. 

The conversation faded in and out as Seungyoun’s mind wandered. First, he wanted to know what kind of appointment Seungwoo had. Was he purchasing real estate? Was he sick? Was he an international spy working for the government? Second, having Seungwoo that close to him in such a small, warm environment in an enclosed space was making it hard to concentrate on anything. At one point he reached out for something on the table and their hands brushed together, and he thought he was going to choke over his own rushed apology. Third, the few times he was able to look at him, the crease of his jaw and the angle of his perfect nose made him forget that staring was impolite again.  _ Oh man, he’s pretty. _

“Right, Seungyoun?” Hangyul said, snatching him back to reality. He felt his cheeks burn hot once he realized they were talking to him, and he had absolutely no idea what anyone was talking about at that point.

“What?” He said dumbly.

“I said that you and I can manage the store for a while why Yohan recovers,” he said, glaring at him. 

_ Right, Hangyul is avoiding him.  _ “Yeah, that’s fine.”

“No, you need a day off,” Yohan said, pouting, not because he really cared about Seungyoun resting, but because he didn’t want to be shoved to the side like he felt was happening.  _ Maybe he meant it, but that’s for them to deal with. _

“I’d rather work,” he said. “I don’t have anything better to do.”

“I’m sure you could think of something,” Yohan said, and Seungwoo coughed next to him.  _ What’s that supposed to mean?  _

“Seungyoun needs the money, and you need the rest, and I  _ have  _ to be there,” Hangyul said. “I’m not even getting paid.”

“You don’t get paid to work there?” Seungwoo asked, and Seungyoun realized he was trying his best to keep up, but his bubble had changed without him. Somehow it made him more sorrowful that he would have expected.

“I get an allowance,” he grumbled.

“His parents own the store,” Seungyoun explained. “But that doesn’t make rent any easier on me.”

“It’s not my fault they’re like this,” Hangyul whined.

“You live together?” Seungwoo asked, surprised.

“Yeah, in the loft above the store. Seungyoun was crashing on my couch for a while after you guys–,” he bit his tongue, and Seungyoun thought he was going to die of embarrassment. “Anyways, there was enough space for two people.”

Seungyoun shifted uncomfortably, wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible.

“So I’ll work an extra day,” he said, changing the subject. “Just enjoy the day off, and thank me later.”

It was Hangyul who needed to thank him, but that was neither here nor there. Yohan didn’t push it further, too busy pretending he didn’t notice the space growing between him and Hangyul that wouldn’t ever close again if Hangyul didn’t eventually speak up, but how could Seungyoun tell them that when he had no control over the fixed gap between him and the person sitting next to him.  _ This is painful for everyone, isn’t it. _

The rest of the dinner was amicable, and Seungyoun had an easier time focusing on the group because he somehow ended up leading the conversation, but the new problem was that every time he heard Seungwoo giggle next to him, it only encouraged him more. The nerves he felt being near him again were replaced by a warmth that spread through him and threatened to suck him back in like nothing had ever happened. He had to keep it together. Seungwoo may not have been his anymore, but they could at least learn to exist together again in a new way as long as Seungyoun didn’t let the feelings he pretended he didn’t have get in the way.

As the night wound down, their conversations were tempered by four full and content bellies. Hangyul and Yohan were at least looking at each other, and although Seungyoun could not bear to look at Seungwoo yet, the view from the corner of his eye was nice. It was all nice.

But then Seungwoo sucked his teeth. “Ah, I’ve gotta get going.”

“What, why?” Seungyoun asked before his stomach flipped.  _ Why did I do that? I’m so stupid. _

“I don’t want to miss my bus,” he said quickly before turning to Yohan. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“No problem,” he said. “Want one of us to take you home?”

“No, thank you,” Seungwoo said. 

“I’ll do it,” Seungyoun spoke up, kicking himself for interfering when he knew he shouldn’t have. Seungwoo looked down at him, surprised. He opened his mouth to say something and closed it before he could. “I don’t mind.”

“I can’t,” he said sadly. “But thank you.”

He grabbed his coat and left in a hurry, and Seungyoun sank helplessly into his chair. Had he imagined it all? What was the point in Seungwoo seeking him out and appearing again if he just meant to blow him off? Then the thought occurred to him that maybe seeing him relaxed again reminded Seungwoo of the parts of him he disliked enough to leave in the first place.  _ I’m going to be sick. _

“I should get going too,” Seungyoun stood up, desperate to be alone. Suddenly the air inside the restaurant was too stuffy for him. He needed to step out to catch his breath. 

“Where are you going,” Hangyul said, flustered.

“Talk about it,” he said before darting out of the restaurant. It was dark out, and it was such a stark contrast from only moments before inside, that he felt like he was dreaming from the jump in time and space. Any minute then a clown could jump out and bother him, but as he watched Seungwoo walk away, huddled against the cold, he realized the only clown there was himself.

A sound not far from a thoughtless grunt escaped his lips as he stopped himself from calling out to him.  _ I’ll take you home, you stubborn idiot. I’ll forget where you live, and we can pretend it never happened. But be like that. If you want to ride the bus, who am I to stop you? No one, that’s who. _

He walked home with a bitter taste in his mouth, the restaurant only a few blocks from the store he worked at and the apartment he shared above it with Hangyul. It used to be an office space, from the looks of it, that was converted into something livable with a bathroom and a kitchen a few years before. Hangyul’s parents owned the building, so having him live there made the most sense for them, and having Seungyoun pay rent out of the same paycheck they gave him was a strange cycle, but it was the most freedom he’d ever had with a home. Plus, Hangyul’s mom always brought them home cooked meals, and she was an excellent cook if he was any sort of person to judge.

Depending on how the conversation at the restaurant went, he would either have the place to himself for the night to wallow in his misery or he would spend the evening playing drinking games on the floor with Hangyul until one of them passed out and forgot what they were upset about. Not that he wanted to be miserable on his own, but he hoped it was the first one for both Hangyul and Yohan’s sake. They were good kids who worked well together. But also literally. For some reason not long after they started dating, Hangyul’s parents made Yohan get a job at the shop so they could  _ evaluate  _ him, but Seungyoun suspected that based also on his current state, they were just collecting employees who had a personal sense of obligation and loyalty to the family. It was unethical but effective. 

He walked up the steps to the second floor where he lived, fiddled with the old lock a bit before it finally gave, and he tossed his keys on the counter, drained. He wasn’t sure what got into him or why he did, but he dug into his pocket until he found his phone and pulled it out. He hadn’t saved the number yet, assuming that the date would be someone he could ignore, but if he hadn’t deleted Seungwoo’s number in the first place, none of this would have happened. He opened the message thread between then to find where they last left off when Seungyoun was mildly irritated for waiting and Seungwoo was overly apologetic for making him wait. He was a good person, he had to give him that.

_ Let me know if you got home safe. _

Sending it spiked up his own heart rate, but watching him disappear into the night like he did unsettled him. What if he never made it to the bus or he missed it and didn’t have a ride home? What if he got mugged on the way? It was a good neighborhood, but one never knew. What if he wasn’t real?

_ Don’t you know that public transportation is very safe? C: _

_ Shut up. Lol _

A giddy smile spread across his lips that he was glad no one was there to see. Especially not the person who made him smile like that. He sat on the couch with his phone in hand, waiting. And waiting. And waiting. Until the smile wore off and he was left with the lingering uneasiness that he would be waiting for someone who wasn’t meant to come back.

_ I’m home If you’re still up, go to bed you have work tomorrow. _

_ I’ll do what I want _

_ Goodnight lol _

_ Goodnight _

He sank down into the cushion, warm and useless, flashing back to the days where he could grab him and pull him down on top of him and sleep on the couch with a show on in the background. He missed having Seungwoo’s head on his chest. He was such a baby when they were alone, always needing to be held and doted on. Seungwoo gave off a strong aura in public that people flocked to. They trusted him and gave him too many responsibilities that he pretended like he could handle comfortably, but alone he was Seungyoun’s baby. At least he used to be.

The tears came too fast, but he was faster. He didn’t cry when they broke up, and he wasn’t about to break his streak just for a memory as simple as that. He was just tired and needed a break.

  
  


“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Hangyul said, dropping his head on the counter and sighing as Red Flavor played for the fifth time in a row.

“What, I like this song,” Seungyoun said, managing to find a way to listen to Red Velvet as much as possible without having to hear Bad Boy. He pulled out his phone that he had connected to the store’s speakers earlier that morning and scrolled through his HSW (hello sunny winter) playlist he came up with the night before for absolutely no other reason than to brighten up the chillying days. “What about Dumb Dumb?”

“Pass.”

“Ice Cream Cake?”

_ “Pass,”  _ Hangyul groaned.

“Zimzalabim?” 

“Pass!”

“How do you not love Red Velvet?!” Seungyoun said, shocked.

“You’ve been at this all morning! Please! Anything else! Twice! WJSN! Girls Generation!”

“Aha!” Seungyoun declared. “I knew I was missing something.”

Hangyul relaxed as Lion Heart came over the speakers, finally breaking him from his Red Velvet trance. Seungyoun hummed pleasantly along, shaking his head to the rhythm and smiling like a cat as he rearranged all the albums on the shelves that a customer had turned around again when they weren’t looking. Again, fandom triumphed gloriously over capitalism that day. 

“You’re in a good mood,” he pointed out.

“I had a good night’s sleep is all,” Seungyoun said.

“You were passed out on the couch when I got home,” he said. “How is that a good night’s anything?”

“You weren’t there, you don’t know,” he said, ignoring him. The night before, after he calmed himself down and came to his senses, Seungwoo sent him a picture of his new album shelf. He only had what he bought from him at the store, but he was so proud of them. He even took the time to show him all of his photocards, and Seungyoun threatened to steal his Irene from him, and Seungwoo said he would have to over his dead body, and for some reason, Red Velvet was now his favorite group in the whole world. “Did you and Yohan talk?”

“Kinda,” Hangyul said, wary. “He doesn’t remember what he said, though, that’s for sure.”

“Does that bother you?” 

“I don’t know. I guess it would have been nice if he did so I wouldn’t be the only one freaked out about it.”

“He may not have even meant it,” he pointed out. “I mean not yet at least.”

Hangyul sighed, draping himself back over the counter. “I feel sick.”

“There, there,” he patted the back of his head. “I’m sure this will blow over soon, and you two can get back to sneaking off to the storage room in the back when it’s not busy.”

Hangyul lifted his head and winced. “You weren’t supposed to know about that.”

“I know everything,” he said. “But I don’t think your parents ever will unless they fix the security cameras.”

Hangyul snorted. “Not even a rogue flasher could make my parents spend money.”

“That’s true,” he said. “I wonder what happened to that guy.”

“I think he went to jail,” he said.

“Really? They caught him?”

“He tried it at the subway,” he said.  _ Public transportation is safe, my ass.  _ Seungyoun hummed, his mind wandering to Seungwoo having to take the bus alone at night. What if he got flashed? To be fair, Seungyoun got flashed through the window at his own job, so that wasn’t exactly a valid concern against busses and trains, but that wasn’t the point. Apparently he wasn’t driving anymore, but he could at least let his friends take him places. Surely, Seungwoo had someone to protect him from the dangers of rogue flashers in the wild. “Hey, I’m sorry about last night.”

“Hmm?” He said, startled.

“I didn’t know Yohan was going to invite him,” he said, sorry. “I would have stopped him if I knew about it.”

“It’s fine,” he smiled flatly.

“I think he thinks he’s helping,” he said. 

“What do you mean?”

Hangyul looked away uncomfortably. “I don’t know. He’s just got it in his head, I guess.”

“Got what in his head?” Seungyoun asked, feeling a strange sickness in his stomach.

“I don’t know,” he said. “We haven’t really been talking lately because of the  _ thing,  _ but I’m sure it’s nothing. I can talk to him if you want.”

“The only thing I want you to talk to him about is the thing you’re not talking to him about,” he scolded. “But besides, it won’t kill me to spend time with Seungwoo. We can all be friends.”

Hangyul hummed, not wanting to draw it out, but Seungyoun was too busy sorting through his hello sunny winter playlist to care. He found TT by Twice, and decided that they were going on a Twice marathon for the next couple of hours whether Hangyul liked it or not.

Even though he wasn’t originally scheduled to work, it wasn’t a bad day. They had a fair amount of customers but nothing the two of them couldn’t handle together. At one point he caught Hangyul dancing along to Signal and proceeded to tease him about it for the next twenty minutes.

“This is your playlist!” Hangyul shouted, defending his need to send him a signal. Jjirit jjirit jjirit jjirit. 

“This is  _ our  _ playlist now,” he said brightly. 

“Oh my god, I miss when you were emo,” he said. “I thought for sure I was going to lose my mind if we played I Need Somebody again, but now… now you’ve done it.”

“Hey, Hangyul, maybe you should… Cheer Up,” he said before hitting play on the next Twice song.

“Please!” He shouted.

Seungyoun smiled brightly and scurried off, taking his phone that was controlling the store music with him. Hangyul was right, he was in a good mood.

The rest of the day went like that with Seungyoun being annoying and Hangyul taking it like a champ. He was getting ready to close up when the last customer came through the door. Hearing the door chime, he was sure it was just a student coming in late from after school tutoring, and they usually knew what they were there for, but when he saw the person’s face, he wasn’t nearly as surprised as he thought he would be.

“I hope I’m not too late,” Seungwoo said.

“Are you buying more for your collection already?” He asked, looking around the store. “We’re not running out anytime soon.”

“No,” he laughed the most infectious laugh he had ever heard, making his chest ache. “I had to get the hours from the website, but you’re closing, right?”

“Yeah, we’re closing,” he blinked.

“Good,” Seungwoo said before shaking his head. “I mean, I didn’t want to get here late because it would feel weird to go upstairs without asking first.”

Seungyoun looked at him confused. “For what?”

“Today was supposed to be your day off, right?” He asked.

“It was.”

“You don’t rest unless someone makes you,” he sighed. “So I’m here to make you.”

Seungyoun had to force himself not to smile, amused. “And how are you going to do that?”

There was an old twinkle in Seungwoo’s eye that gave him butterflies. What was he up to? “Nothing too special. I’m just hoping you’ll show me around the neighborhood.”

“Really?” He raised his eyebrows. “Why would you want to do that?”

“You said it was a nice neighborhood, and I’m curious. And I wanted to see you.”

Seungyoun coughed. “I guess maybe after I close up then?”

“Go ahead and go,” Hangyul said, coming out of nowhere. “I can close up.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Dude, I live here,” he said. “Go.”

He shooed them out so fast, Seungyoun barely had the chance to get his coat. Seungwoo grabbed his arm to help get them out faster, and even through the fabric, the grip sent a shockwave through his body and he almost lost his footing. But once they were out of the building, Seungwoo pulled away, and Seungyoun wondered how bad it would be if he reached out for him. He shoved his hand in his pocket and shook the thought away before he could do anything foolish.

The neighborhood he worked and lived in was developed enough to have a lot to do, but small enough that it was still relatively quiet and peaceful. It was so quiet, in fact, that standing there alone with him made it deafening. What were the odds that he could stall long enough to wait for Hangyul to come out and join them so that he would have a buffer too?

“I don’t know what to do here,” Seungwoo said, hinting at him to take the lead.

So there was no chance for Hangyul to save him. “Are you hungry?”

“Is that what we do,” he laughed. 

“I guess so,” he smiled, that  _ we  _ pulling him in dumbly. “What do you want?”

“Anything you want,” Seungwoo said, but the confidence was immediately shaken by his own internal embarrassment. “I mean, I don’t know what’s around here yet.”

“You like chicken, right? There’s a really good chicken place a couple blocks from here,” he said. 

Seungwoo nodded brightly. “That works with me.”

They walked next to each other, close enough to brush their arms together, but both too afraid to reach for the other no matter how much they both wanted to. Or at least, Seungyoun had hoped that it was as torturous for Seungwoo to not touch him as it was for him. He missed his unnecessarily large hands that were always too warm and too soft like he never had to use them for anything other than holding Seungyoun’s hand. He flexed his palm before shoving it into his pocket before he could get carried away even if he wished Seungwoo would have snatched it out for him and taken it anyway.

“So when did you decide to start collecting albums,” Seungyoun asked, making small talk like they were strangers getting to know each other.

“Oh, not too long ago,” he said. “I guess around the time Yohan told me where you worked.”

Seungyoun looked at him, wide eyed. “Why?”

“I needed an excuse to talk to you again that wasn’t a date you didn’t want to be on.”

“I didn’t–,” he started. “I was just surprised.”

Seungwoo shrugged. “No, it’s fine. I wouldn’t have wanted to see me either, but I thought that maybe I could give you a reason to change your mind.”

“By buying k-pop albums,” he said, but his heart was racing so much it felt wrong to tease him.

“Actually by buying you terrible pizza,” he sighed, bumping into him on purpose. “And then k-pop albums, I guess.”

“Well, I’m buying dinner tonight,” Seungyoun said. “To say sorry for making you think I didn’t want to see you. We were both surprised.”

Seungwoo stopped walking, frozen in place. Seungyoun walked a few more steps before he noticed the growing empty space between them. He looked back, and Seungwoo was staring out into the road with an odd expression on his face, and for a moment, Seungyoun worried he was about to take a step into traffic.

“What’s wrong,” he said. Seungwoo closed his eyes and looked down, struggling to say what he needed to. “Seungwoo?”

He let out a long sigh. “I knew it was you.” 

“What?”

“The other night,” he said. “I knew I was meeting you.”

“What are you talking about,” Seungyoun asked, confused. Seungwoo took a step forward, and he took a step back, keeping the distance between them until he could get on the same page.

“A few weeks ago, Yohan told me he had a friend who had gone through a breakup, and that friend hadn’t wanted to see anyone after it. He said he felt bad because his friend was always taking care of everyone else and pretending like he wasn’t suffering by himself. I told him I didn’t want to, but he begged and I thought what could be the harm in giving someone the night off. I told him to give his friend my number, and then when you messaged me, I realized that you had deleted my number and didn’t realize it was me.”

Seungyoun swallowed. He was humiliated, confused, and speechless.

“I was going to cancel, but I couldn’t make myself do it, and when I saw you at the market, I thought maybe this could be my second chance.”

“Wait,” Seungyoun said, not ready to hear more.

“But then I saw how you looked at me, and I realized that asking for a second chance was selfish. So I don’t want that anymore. I just want to make up for what I’ve done to you until you can forgive me.”

Seungyoun looked up, fighting off another wave of tears he wasn’t going to let escape. 

“God, you make it impossible to hate you,” he said. “I could think of a million reasons why I should leave you here and tell you to leave me alone, but none of them even come close to how much I don’t want to.”

Seungwoo stepped forward, but he didn’t come too close.

“Let’s just eat,” Seungyoun said, still feeling like an idiot for not knowing it was him and a little betrayed, but not wanting to deal with that just yet. He didn’t like to make decisions like kicking people out of his life on an empty stomach.

“We don’t have to…”

“Come on,” he said. “Please?”

Seungyoun waited patiently while Seungwoo gathered the strength to come near him again. He wasn’t going to hurt him or lash out at him. He wanted to, sure, but at that moment all he wanted to do was go inside and sit down and pretend it didn’t happen.  _ How could you know it was me? How could you put me through this twice? You could have just deleted my message and saved us all of this trouble. You could have gone through your little sharade at the market and left me alone. You didn’t have to come to my job. You didn’t have to come to dinner with me and my friends. You didn’t have to come spend more time with me. You didn’t have to come back.  _

Seungwoo stopped next to him and looked at him sadly. “We don’t have to do this.”

“I’m showing you my neighborhood,” he said, swallowing the agony once again. “This place sells the best chicken in town, we just have to go inside.”

“Okay,” he said, barely audible.

“Okay.”

Seungyoun would have reached out to him to tell him that it was okay, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to do that yet.

“You don’t have to drink soda just because I do,” Seungwoo insisted. “You don’t even have to drive.”

As much as Seungyoun wanted a beer, it felt wrong to drink it right in front of Seungwoo who said he couldn’t even if it was for his health. He just hoped that it wasn’t for more than that.

“Did you drive,” he asked, curious and hoping that Seungwoo wasn’t taking the bus again.

“I sold my car,” he said, turning his attention to the chicken. “This is the crunchiest chicken I’ve ever had. I wonder how they did it.”

“I think it’s panko. Why did you sell your car? Did you lose your license? After, you know…”

“I don’t think it’s panko,” he said. “Maybe they use sparkling water in the batter. I’ve heard that helps.”

Seungyoun frowned. “I’ll be sure to ask next time I’m in here. Why did you sell your car?”

Seungwoo looked at him with a thin lipped smile and annoyed eyes. “Because I wanted to. Can we not talk about this?”

“You get to decide what we can and can’t talk about?” He said, still quietly fuming from earlier. 

“If I ask you to please not make me talk about it, will you?” he asked.

Seungyoun looked away, annoyed. On one hand it wasn’t any of his business, but on the other, he didn’t like being told what he could or could not talk about by someone who waltzed back into his life, unannounced and uninvited. “Alright.”

“Alright?”

“I won’t ask.”

“Thank you,” he said. Neither one of them had much of an appetite.

“Do you need me to take you home,” Seungyoun asked sharply.

“No, thank you,” he said, looking back at the food. “I like taking the bus.”

“No one likes taking the bus,” he said. “I’ll call you a cab.”

“No!” Seungwoo practically shouted. “Please. Just drop it, okay?”

“Listen, how am I supposed to want to be friends with you when you’re keeping weird irrelevant shit from me,” he said.

_ “Because I can’t get in a fucking car,”  _ he said through his teeth, actually angry for once.

Seungyoun was taken aback. Not that he was bothered that Seungwoo was irritated with him. Honestly, he was used to him getting aggravated whenever he was annoying, but he had never considered that a possibility for a human being in today’s society, and he didn’t quite understand.

“What do you mean you can’t get in a car?”

Seungwoo sighed and rubbed his head. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Why not,” he asked quietly.

“Because it’s embarrassing.”

“You can tell me anything,” he said. “You know that.”

“This is different.”

“How?”

“Because it– because I can’t,” Seungwoo said.

“Have you talked about it with anyone?” he asked selfishly.  _ Is there someone else you’re close to now? Someone who knows you better than me? _

Seungwoo nodded, his face twisted in pain. His stomach dropped.  _ So there is someone. I don’t know how I became the person you couldn’t talk to, but you made that decision all on your own. Why aren’t you with them? _

“Who,” his voice cracked.

Seungwoo looked up at him with tired, defeated eyes, not wanting to fight with him anymore. “My therapist.”

“Your what?”

“My therapist,” he said louder. “You see why I don’t want to talk about it?”

“There’s nothing wrong with–.”

_ “Seungyoun-ah,”  _ he pleaded weakly. 

Seungyoun closed his eyes upon hearing his name called out like that again by him. The way Seungwoo’s voice cracked in desperation paired the way that Seungyoun wanted to make sure he knew he didn’t have to worry with him almost completely dismantled him. He pressed his mouth together tightly, refusing to say anything else about it no matter how many questions he had.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“Maybe one day we can talk about it,” Seungwoo said. “Just not now, okay? I want to have a happy moment with you.”

“A happy moment with me,” he repeated quietly. “Okay, then we’ll need more than chicken.”

Seungwoo’s face softened to his relief. “What could be happier than chicken?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” he said. “But we should order more just in case.”

So they did, and they ate until they both became bloated and useless and all they had left was the ability to make conversation with each other which, as it turned out, they were actually very good at. 

“Do you live alone,” Seungyoun asked, heavy eyed from overeating.

Seungwoo shook his head. “I moved in with Wooseok.”

“Mmm!” His eyes widened. “And you haven’t killed each other yet?”

“Surprisingly no,” he smiled and shook his head for emphasis. “He’s so messy, though, that sometimes I think I might have to.”

“He says he’s not, but he’s worse than a wild animal,” Seungyoun agreed. “If you have to, I’ll help you bury the body.”

“I knew I could count on you,” he laughed.

“I’ll always wanted to see what it would be like to commit a crime,” he pondered.

“So, you want to try it out by burying my roommate,” Seungwoo asked, eyes wide.

Seungyoun furrowed his brows, considering that that might not have been a good place to start. “Maybe we should work up to it. What about extortion?”

“Who are we extorting,” he leaned forward, propping his elbows on the table, drawn in by the word  _ we  _ Seungyoun kept tossing around nonchalantly.

“Someone with a lot of money,” he said. “Someone important, but someone who probably doesn’t have a big security team.”

“Oh? Who could that be,” Seungwoo said, humoring him.

“I don’t think we could get away with extorting a politician. Plus, you would have to go around seducing a bunch of married old dudes until we got a good photo to blackmail them with, and I don’t know if you’re up for it.”

“I could do it!” He said. “I could seduce a man!”

Seungyoun cracked into a smile and laughed at the outburst. Seungwoo’s cheeks flushed after he realized what he had said, and he sank back into his chair, covering his face. “Listen, if you want to seduce a man, who am I to stop you.”

“I do not want to seduce a man,” he said, muffled into his hands. “This is your scheme, why am I suffering?”

“Because you lo–,” but he stopped himself before the wrong words slipped out. An embarrassed wave of heat flashed through his body, and he started to sweat. He grabbed his shirt beneath the table and pulled it away from his skin, worried he might suffocate. Seungwoo didn’t make him finish it or ask him what it was he meant to say. He just sat there at the table quietly on the other side of their empty plates and half full glasses and waited. For what? Neither of them probably knew.

“It’s getting late,” Seungwoo said after a while.

“Are you going to miss your bus?” 

He shook his head. “There’s another one later, unless you want me to take this one.”

“No, not unless you want to go,” Seungyoun said.

He shook his head more cautiously this time. “We’re just taking up a table.”

“Do you want to go do something else,” he asked, cursing himself for being hopeful. He knew what he was getting himself into. He knew that he was torturing himself by being near him again when he shouldn’t have been, but feelings aside, there was no reason they couldn’t be friends. They got along well, and sure they had a history of getting annoyed with the other on occasion, but they never fought. They never misunderstood each other. They never lied to each other. They never went out of their way to hurt the other. That was a good foundation for a friendship, he thought. Just because Seungwoo didn’t see him like  _ that  _ anymore, didn't mean he couldn’t learn to adjust how he saw him too. But unfortunately, he didn’t want to. He selfishly wanted Seungwoo to stay a little longer because he wanted to pretend that the last year had just been a bad dream. The only favor Seungwoo could do for him was to tell him no and leave. If he could take away his hope, Seungyoun could finally learn how to heal.

“What do you have in mind,” Seungwoo asked.

“I don’t know,” he said, not expecting the possibility to be real. “We have to stay in the neighborhood, right?”

“Right,” he said. “I’m sorry…”

“No, don’t be,” Seungyoun said. “It’s not a big deal. I’m just going to have to think a little bit.”

He stood up and walked over to Seungwoo’s side of the table, taking the seat next to him. 

“What are you doing?” he stammered.

He held up his phone with a list of local businesses up on his map app. “What do you mean ‘what am I doing’? Am I supposed to plan all of this by myself?”

“Oh, no, I guess not,” he said, taking his phone from him. “Let me see.”

His fingers grazed over Seungyoun’s accidentally, but it was enough to freeze him in place for a few solid seconds. He was glad that Seungwoo was too busy scrolling through the listings to notice that he was malfunctioning off to his side, but it was a good thing. He needed practice touching him in ways that didn’t mean anything if he was supposed to be his friend who didn’t malfunction at just a simple hand graze. If he could go around squeezing Hangyul’s cheeks without feeling anything, he could learn how to handle accidentally touching Seungwoo. With the boldness of a man determined not to let his own weakness overcome him, he leaned over and set his chin on Seungwoo’s shoulder to prove, once and for all, that touching him wouldn’t get to him. Seungwoo’s shoulder gave at the sudden gesture, surprised, but he picked it back up like nothing happened.  _ This was a stupid idea. _

“Did you find anything,” he asked quietly, hoping his breath wasn’t awful that close to him.

“No,” Seungwoo’s voice cracked. He cleared his throat and continued. “There’s not a lot to do around here this late, I guess, unless you want to get stuck in a movie.”

Seungyoun hummed. “Not really. That could cut it close for you.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think about that,” he said sadly.  _ Ahh, his car trauma. I don’t want him to think it’s a problem for other people because this isn’t about me or anyone else. I want him to get better so that he can live comfortably, not because I have to get used to a bus schedule now.  _

“Plus, who wants to sit in the dark for three hours,” he said, poking him in the side playfully. “There’s a stationery store nearby.”

“You need pens?” Seungwoo laughed, already forgetting that he was worrying about getting in the way with his strict schedule.

“We could be penpals,” he said. “I’ll buy you stickers, and you can send me weekly letters instead of having to come all the way across town to visit me at work.”

“But I like visiting you at work,” he said, quietly. 

Seungyoun tilted his head to look at him, no longer propping himself to look at the phone in his hand. He didn’t realize  _ just  _ how close they were when he leaned on him. Seungwoo was broad enough that he made a decent chin rest, but when he turned his head to look back at him, their faces were only inches apart.

“What,” Seungwoo said in almost a whisper.

Seungyoun’s eyes darted to his mouth and swallowed, a tightness in his chest growing that told him to move forward and throw away all the progress he told himself he had made. He blinked and pulled away, sitting in his own seat like a normal person who didn’t cling onto people. “Nothing. Uhhh, so, no stationery then? What about the arcade?”

“You’re terrible at games,” he said. “If you want to go look at the stationery, we can go look at the stationery.”

“It was a stupid idea.”

“I want to go look at the stationery.”

“Okay, let’s go.”

“Let’s go.”

“Right,” Seungyoun shook himself. He didn’t know about Seungwoo, but if he didn’t get up then and move immediately, he was going to lose his mind.  _ What did I almost do? Oh man, that would have been bad. I would have had to move. I would have had to quit my job. I would have had to change my name. You can’t just go around kissing your ex boyfriend just because his face is right there and get to walk away from that!! Stupid stupid stupid. _

“You coming?” Seungwoo asked, already up and waiting for him. 

“Yep,” he blurted out and hopped up too, almost stumbling over his chair. 

Seungwoo handed him back his phone and made a gesture towards the door. “Lead the way.”

Seungyoun lead the way, alright, but he had absolutely no idea where the stationery store was. It’s not like he spent a lot of time buying cute pens and stickers, but he was sure he at least had a vague idea where the store was. Seungwoo walked with him patiently, though, never complaining even when they passed the same convenience store three or four times. 

“I’m sure it was this way,” he said to himself, standing at the corner of the crossroads physically and metaphorically.

Seungwoo stepped closer to him, bumping into him slightly. “Did you make up a stationery store?”

“No!” He said. “It’s real, I swear!”

“If you wanted to just walk around, I would have been okay with it,” he teased.

“It’s a real store,” he grumbled, pulling out his phone. He pulled up the listing. “See!”

Seungwoo squinted and leaned towards it. “It says it closed down.”

“What?”

“Look for yourself,” he said.

Seungyoun looked at the screen and squinted at the tiny red letters that said the store wasn’t open anymore. He sighed. This was surely a sign he needed to get out more. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine,” he said, cheerful. “It was good to see your neighborhood. You were right, it is nice.”

“Thanks,” he said, still embarrassed that he had made such a stupid mistake. It wasn’t his fault he spent all of his time at the store or at home, only wandering out when Yohan or Hangyul wanted to get something to eat that wasn’t Hangyul’s mom’s cooking.

“There’s a park over there,” Seungwoo mused. “Maybe we could go sit down?”

“I think we’ve walked enough for a day,” he sighed, following Seungwoo across the street. 

They found a bench nearby and plopped down on it, both of their legs sick of wandering the neighborhood aimlessly. Well, there was an aim, just not a destination anymore. There weren’t a lot of people out at that moment, most probably at dinner or having something better to do than sit at the park with someone who wasn’t their boyfriend, but was there a better way to spend an evening? None that he could think of.

“I’m sorry this is how you have to spend your fake time off,” Seungsoo said.

“Hmm? Why?” He said, surprised.

“This can’t be what you wanted to do,” he said, looking out at the empty park.  _ I can’t think of anything else I’d rather be doing. We could do this every day, and I would be happy, and when you find someone else you would rather sit here with, I can learn to be happy with that too. _

“I would just be sitting at home,” he laughed. “This is good.”

“You should take a day off,” he chided him.

“No,” Seungyoun said with no other intention than to bother him. 

“Why not?” he asked.

“What if you show up one day at my job, and I’m not there,” he said. He was being too hopeful. He was saying too much, but he needed Seungwoo to stop him. He needed to hear it from him that he was being ridiculous. He had sent him away before. He could do it again.

“Then Hangyul would get all the commissions,” he sighed, and Seungyoun was sure that was the stop he needed, but Seungwoo was unpredictable at best. “But I technically know where you live. Would it be weird if I stopped by there too?”

“No,” his voice cracked, and his heart jumped. “We’re friends, right? Friends can show up at their friends’ homes.”

“Maybe I could text you first,” he said. “You know, instead of showing up unannounced.” 

“That would be okay,” he said. “Or maybe I could show up at your place sometime, you know, to annoy Wooseok. Maybe on my next day off so you don’t have to worry about getting home?”

Seungwoo smiled warmly and nodded.  _ See, we can be friends. It doesn’t have to be weird or uncomfortable. Look at how good we’re doing. I don’t even want to pull you onto my shoulder. Ahaha. Wouldn’t that be stupid if you just put your head on me right here and maybe took a little nap because you’re tired? Just kidding. Unless… _

“What are you thinking about?” Seungwoo asked, noticing how he stared at him.

“I was wondering if you’re tired,” he said, not entirely lying.

He raised his eyebrows. “Do I look tired?”

“No,” he said. “It’s just late, and I don’t want you to be tired.”

“I’m not tired,” he assured him. “Are you tired?”

“Only the reasonable amount,” Seungyoun said. “Just because I worked today.”

Seungwoo hummed. “Do you need to go?”

“Are you trying to get rid of me,” he teased.

“Never,” he said. Seungyoun looked away, the stinging behind his eyes back. He didn’t mean to exhale as loudly as he did, and Seungwoo immediately realized what he had said. “I didn’t mean…”

“I know,” he said, forcing a smile. “It’s fine. Things are different now, right?”

“Right,” he said and paused. “You can get mad at me if you want.”

“Why would I do that?”  _ I am mad at you. I’m furious. I don’t know if I could be more mad at anyone than I am at you, but how would that fix things? You’re back in my life, and I can either adjust to it how it is now or I can lose you again. Why in the world would I guarantee the latter? _

“Because you’re mad at me,” he said. “And you should be. I know me being here is fucking up your life.”

“You not being here fucked it up more,” he said. “I can live with this. Can you?”

Seungwoo looked at him for a while, thinking. For a moment he worried he would tell him no. “Is it alright?”

“Yes,” he said. “Aren’t you supposed to be trying to be someone I’m not mad at or something?”

He cracked into a smile. “Something like that.”

“So quit making me feel bad and enjoy this goddamn nice weather we’re having,” he pouted, crossing his arms over his chest, and as soon as he was done with his pissy little rant, a crack of thunder startled them and cold, fat raindrops fell on their heads completely knocking out any bit of anger and hurt he had left in him. 

“Was it supposed to rain?” Seungwoo shouted over the downpour, his arms hovering over his head to shield his face.

“I don’t think so,” Seungyoun shouted back.

“Let’s get you home,” he shouted. “You’re gonna get sick!”

“What? And leave you at the bus stop like this?!”

“I’m used to it! Let’s go!” He grabbed Seungyoun’s hand and pulled him with him. They jogged through the rain the few blocks it took to find the music store. Seungwoo’s stop was only a few blocks further past so it wasn’t the inconvenience he thought it would be.

“Come inside,” he said, anyway. “Wait it out, and then catch the bus when it’s time. Don’t wait out here.”

He expected Seungwoo to argue with him and make some kind of excuse for why he couldn’t, but all he did was nod. He followed Seungyoun up the stairs to the second floor where he and Hangyul lived, and he was busy thinking of what clothes he could give him so he didn’t have to sit around like a wet mop when Seungwoo stopped him. 

“Wait,” he said. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t go in there,” he said. 

Seungyoun turned back to look at him standing in the rain pitifully. Seungwoo’s face was hollow and forlorn, like earlier but worse. He looked like someone who had just lost everything he had, but nothing had changed. 

“Why not?” Seungyoun asked, worried. “Is this a car thing too?”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. He let out an exasperated groan and hung his head. “I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what?” He stepped towards him. He wasn’t sure why he reached out and grabbed his face, but he wanted to look at him. He had never seen someone look so miserable, and he wondered if seeing him that close would be like looking into a mirror. 

Seungwoo looked at him, eyes shaking, but he didn’t push him away. “I can’t go in there with you.”

“What’s going on, Seungwoo?”

“I can’t do this. I can’t be your friend,” he said, the corners of his mouth turning downwards like he was about to cry. 

Seungyoun dropped his hands to his sides. “Alright.”

Seungwoo nodded. “Please, go inside. I’m not going to bother you anymore.”

“I thought this was what you wanted,” he said, hurt. 

Seungwoo shook his head. “No, it’s not that.”

“I don’t understand,” he said. 

“This is it, okay? If I say it then I’ll leave, and I won’t come back?”

“Say what?” He said frustrated, ready to scream or worse.

“I thought I could do this and not make things worse for your sake, but I’m so in love with you that I think if I go inside I’m going to forget I’m not allowed to be.”

Seungyoun’s heart flipped at hearing the most dangerous statement he had ever heard in his life. He completely lost control of his senses, no longer caring about what hurt and what didn’t.

“Who said that?” he asked quietly, barely audible over the droplets hitting the metal steps.

Seungwoo took a step forward. “You can. Please say it.”

“No,” he said. It was more cruel than he could have ever imagined. Was he being punished? Had he done some awful thing in a past life that warranted having him torn away from him twice? What had he done to deserve this and why couldn’t he stop it? He had the power, but he couldn’t stop it.

Seungwoo took his hand in his cheek and came closer. “Tell me to go, and I will.”

“No,” he said again, his eyes falling to his mouth. Seungwoo leaned closer, and he closed his eyes in agony, but if he pulled away, he was going to have to take his heart with him.  _ Don’t. _

At first he barely registered the kiss, too soft and too careful, but he felt himself push forward, grabbing onto him to hold himself up. The tightness in his chest took his breath away, and the taste of Seungwoo’s mouth was the only thing he knew anymore. He opened his mouth wider to invite him in, and as the rain beat down on them, their mouths slid against each other, slick from the foreign wetness. 

He gasped for air and pulled him closer, his whole body on fire. Seungwoo followed by pushing him back and pinning him against the door. The moment his back hit the metal and he realized where he was and who he was kissing, the rage came at once threatening to choke the life out of him. He grabbed the back of Seungwoo’s head roughly and pulled him closer, shoving his own tongue inside his mouth and grabbed his waist with his free hand. He wanted to ruin him for what he did to him. He wanted to bite and bruise and scratch him, leaving behind a thousand marks he couldn’t erase, but worse, he wanted Seungwoo to hurt him _.  _ He wanted him to break him again, completely tear him apart, and never come back. At least then he could live. 

He pulled away just enough to get his key into the door, his hands shaking so much he could barely get it open. Seungwoo kissed his neck and ear and ran his hands up his torso to his chest and throat as he clumsily fumbled with the lock until the door swung open and they were inside.

“Hangyul!” He called out as he kicked off his wet shoes, making sure no one was inside. No one answered so he grabbed him again, groaning pathetically against his mouth.

He lead Seungwoo to his room, tugging at his soaked clothes and letting his nails drag against his skin. At one point he scratched too hard, almost giving himself away, but the encouraging gasp made him want to hurt him more. 

They made it to the bed, down to the only dry clothing they had left. Skin to skin, he felt him all over, taking in what he lost for probably the last time. An overwhelming pain spread through him worse than what he had suffered through before, and all he could do was bite down on his shoulder until he tasted blood as the sobs swept over him.

Seungwoo yelped in pain before realizing what was happening.

“Seungyoun, what’s wrong?”

He wept into him pathetically, his breaths short and shallow. 

“Seungyoun-ah?” he pulled him away, stroking his face.

“I can’t do this,” he cried out. “I can’t lose you again. I can’t go through this a second time.”

He pulled him back to him and held him, letting Seungyoun cry into his neck, rocking them back and forth. “I’m not going to leave again unless you want me to.”

“You can’t promise that,” he said.

“Yes, I can,” he said, stroking the back of his wet hair. 

Seungyoun wailed, completely losing control of his own body.

“Ohhh, you big cry baby,” Seungwoo coddled him. 

“Shut up!” He said, unable to stop himself. It wasn’t fair. He hadn’t shed a single tear after the break up until then. He had held it together for that long, but all of that effort had been wasted by one agonizing kiss. Seungwoo pulled him down onto the bed and wrapped his arms around him, letting him cry into his chest with loud, ugly, broken sobs.  _ “Please don’t leave me.” _

“I’m not,” he said. “I’m right here.”

“If you do, I’ll never forgive you,” he cried.

“I know,” he said, trying to soothe him.

“I love you, you stupid asshole,” he said before wailing again, the pain in his chest threatening to take him out. He wept until the last bit of energy he had left faded and all he could do was shake pathetically until he fell asleep, exhausted and drained. The last thing he remembered was being held by the only person he wanted to hold him, and he knew once he woke, it would be over.

Seungyoun woke to a sharp pain in his neck from sleeping the wrong way, his pillow replaced with a bare chest that rose and fell as the owner slept.  _ It wasn’t a dream? He didn’t leave? Did he just fall asleep waiting for me to calm down? Oh god, what if he wanted to leave, and he couldn’t because I was too heavy. I trapped Seungwoo. I held him hostage! _

“What are you looking at,” he said with a low sleepy voice that cracked in his parched throat.  _ Oh no, he couldn’t even get up for water because I was trapping him! Wait, no, he knows I’m staring at him. _

“You’re still here,” he said, looking down at Seungwoo’s relaxed face. His eyes were closed, and he didn’t seem at all like someone who was actually awake.

“I said I would stay, didn’t I,” he said, opening one eye.

“You didn’t have to,” Seungyoun said, feeling guilty and ashamed for breaking.

“Yes, I did,” he said. “Come here.”

He pulled him down for a kiss that was too sweet for them compared to the night before. He wasn’t sure that was allowed anymore. Was it worse to be loving to each other?

“Do you still want me to stay?” He asked.

“Yes,” he said quietly. “Will you?”

Seungwoo nodded. Not willing to risk cursing the moment, Seungyoun resumed resting his head on his chest, preferring to listen to the sound of Seungwoo’s heartbeat than any words that might have meant that he was actually leaving.

“I’m sorry,” Seungwoo said.

Seungyoun closed his eyes, grateful he had been cried out, and he took a small nap because that was all he knew how to do.

He woke again to a soft hand stroking his back patiently, waiting for him to stir. He hummed, too weak to make any words come out. Seungwoo stretched and yawned before wrapping his arms and legs around him and kissing the top of his head.

“Good morning,” he said.

“Good morning,” Seungyoun repeated. “I fell asleep again.”

“I know,” he said cutely.

“What time is it,” he asked, embarrassed.”

“I do  _ not  _ know,” he repeated in the same cute tone.

Seungyoun snorted and pushed himself up, giving his stiff neck a crack. He sat on the bed in a daze. Seungwoo was there. Seungwoo had stayed the night. Seungwoo had stayed with him like he promised. He was even more beautiful than he remembered, his hair swept back off of his face and little circles under his eyes from just waking up.  _ Are you mine again? _

Seungwoo sat up too, giving his hair a quick shake with his hand before leaning over to kiss Seungyoun warmly.  _ If you’re mine, say something. _

“We should probably get up,” he said.  _ That counts, right? _ Before he could have any doubts, Seungwoo leaned forward and kissed him, cupping his face in his hand. “Don’t look at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re waiting on me to change my mind,” he said. “This is in your hands.”

“How?”

“Until you tell me to leave, I won’t,” Seungwoo said simply.

“What if you’re unhappy with me,” he asked.

“I’ve never been unhappy with you.”

That stung him all over again, but he wasn’t ready to break again. He wasn’t  _ willing  _ to break again. He flinched at the pain in his stomach, but he pushed through.

“Then why did you leave me in the first place?” He asked, trying not to get angry with him again. He didn’t want to feel angry or hurt anymore. He wanted to forget about the last year once and for all, but he couldn’t until he had the answer to the question he had until then refused to ask.

Seungwoo sighed and looked away, pailing. “I don’t think we should go there.”

“I think I have a right to know,” he said without a shred of kindness. “Did I get on your nerves?”

“No.”

“Did you find someone else?”

“No…”

“Did you cheat on me?”

“No!” He shouted, covering his face.

“Then what? What could have been awful enough for you to toss me out of your life? Why?! How am I supposed to know if I can accept you here if you won’t tell me?”

“Because it was for the best,” he said simply, looking away again.

“The best for who,” Seungyoun said, hurt.

“The best for you,” he said. “The best for both of us, I guess.”

Seungyoun huffed, not having it. “Why?”

“The accident,” he said, the pain in his voice unmistakable. “It was the accident.”

“I could have helped you through it,” he said, softening. “You wouldn’t even allow me to come to the hospital. They wouldn’t even tell me what room you were moved to.”

Seungyoun idly grabbed his own chest. The memories were too much, and he felt sick for wanting him back in his life when it was clear before how much Seungwoo hated him in his in the end.

Seungwoo shook his head.

“The night of the accident, I went blind for a few seconds while driving. It wasn’t for very long but it was enough to hit another car. I couldn’t even see the impact when it happened. All I could feel was the metal crushing my body, and it felt like someone had dropped a steel cage on me. When I got to the hospital, they found a tumor inside my head that was pressing down on the nerve for my eyes, and they said they weren’t sure if they could get it out.”

Seungyoun’s stomach flipped, his heart pounding in his ears.  _ Blind. Accident. Crushed. Tumor. _

Seungwoo sighed and continued. “I broke up with you because they thought I had brain cancer.”

“I could have been there for you,” his voice shook. “I could have taken care of you. I could have supported you. You didn’t have to cut my out.”

Seungwoo looked at him and scowled. “In what world was I supposed to just sit there and let you watch me die?”

A whimper escaped his lips as the tears came again. He thought breaking up with Seungwoo was the most painful thing he had ever experienced, but the thought of him dying was the one thing he couldn’t survive.

“See,” he said softly.

“No,” Seungyoun wiped a tear away. “You can’t take that choice from me. You can’t fucking die, and you can’t make decisions like that for me.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, genuinely. “I wanted to protect you. I thought if you could move on with your life without me, without knowing, you could be happy.”

“And now?” He said with swollen eyes. “Are you still sick?”

Seungwoo shook his head. “I’m not sick.”

“So that’s why you came back?” He sniffled. “Because you figured that out?”

“No, I told you why I came back,” he said. “But now you can decide if you want me to stay.”

“This is bullshit,” he sniffled again. “I ought to kick your ass.”

“You can try,” he said softly.

“Come here,” Seungyoun said weakly. “I’ll fight you.”

He wrapped his hands into tiny fists and squeezed them. If there was an award for the worst reason to break up with someone, Seungwoo had found it. It didn’t matter that it turned out that he wasn’t as sick as he thought, he shouldn’t have had to take that on alone. He was always determined to stubbornly take on the world by himself without considering how much he needed someone to take care of him, and Seungyoun happened to be the most qualified person to do that.

“Do you hate me,” Seungwoo asked, his face hollow like before, letting Seungyoun cling onto him.

“Yes,” he said.

Seungwoo smiled weakly. “Liar.”

He pulled the older close to him and wrapped his arms around his neck. “This is bullshit.”

“I know,” he said, his voice cracking. “I’m sorry.”

“You better be,” he said, pressing his face into his neck, kissing it softly once.

“Can we stay like this?” Seungwoo asked.

“I have to go to work,” he said into his neck.

Seungwoo laughed. “No, I mean together. Or do you want to try being friends first.”

Seungyoun sighed, dropping the weight of himself onto his shoulder. “I’ve never been one to be patient.”

“Me neither,” he said, kissing his cheek.

“No take backs,” he said quietly.

“No take backs.”

They sat quietly for a while together, Seungyoun holding on for dear life as he came to terms with how close he was to losing Seungwoo in a way he had never had to imagine before and Seungwoo holding onto him, afraid if he let go, Seungyoun would come to his senses and kick him out.

After his body finally relaxed, Seungyoun pulled away just enough to find Seungwoo’s lips again. It had only been a few hours since their last kiss, but even that felt like an eternity. 

“I love you,” he said. “I never stopped.”

Seungwoo gave him a weak sorrowful smile. “Is it selfish of me to be happy that you didn’t.”

He shook his head. “Only if you change your mind about coming back.”

“How many times are you going to make sure I’m not,” Seungwoo teased, not really bothered by it.

“Just a few more times,” he said. 

“I thought you had to go to work?”

“Right,” he said. “Alright, let’s get up.”

Seungwoo pulled him into a kiss and dragged him down on the bed, running his fingers through his hair and hugging him warmly. Seungyoun returned the gesture by peppering him with kisses over his cheek, across his jaw, and down his neck, wandering to his chest. Seungwoo let out a pleasant sigh. “What are you doing?”

“Shh,” he said, his mouth traveling farther. Seungwoo hummed, falling prey to Seungyoun’s mischievous machinations. “Finishing what we started.”

Before he became completely mindless, Seungwoo sat up and pulled him up to him for a long, body numbing kiss that sent a jolt from his lips to his toes.

“Let me,” Seungwoo said quietly, a finger hooked tauntingly beneath his chin.

  
  


An hour later, the two of them stumbled out of Seungyoun’s room, glossy eyed and stupid in love. It was like the last year hadn’t happened, except now they were both much clingier than before. Seungwoo followed him out with his hands around his waist, and Seungyoun tried his best not to trip over his own feet as the feeling returned to his legs.

_ “Goooood morning _ ,” Hangyul said, grinning from ear to ear over a cup of hot coffee.

“It’s not what you think,” Seungyoun blurted out. 

“Let me see. Based on how puffy your face is and how goofy Seungwoo looks, you cried and he spent the night holding you like a baby, you two made up, and the sounds I just heard weren’t coming from your laptop,” Hangyul observed astutely.

“Okay, it is what you think,” he grumbled.

“Seungwoo, you want something for breakfast?” Hangyul said, uninterested in the hows or whys since he had the whats, the whos, the wheres, and the whens. 

“You cook?” he asked, his hands still on Seungyoun’s hips shamelessly, his fingers trailing dangerously close to the patches of his most sensitive skin.

“I can make cereal,” he said.

“I like cereal,” Seungwoo said, letting go of him and following Hangyul to the kitchen.

“What about me,” Seungyoun called out, following them like a forgotten child. “I like cereal too!”

“There’s only enough for two bowls,” Hangyul said, not sorry. “Mom, brought you spinach.”

Seungyoun closed his eyes and sighed.  _ “Why?” _

“You’re going to have to break the news to her that she’s not getting a new son in law,” Seungwoo said, getting out the bowls like he knew where everything was. Seungyoun smiled to himself fondly.

“What?” Hangyul choked on his coffee, not sure why his mother would be looking for a son in law in Seungyoun if at all. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, changing the subject. “You weren’t home last night. Did you talk to Yohan?”

“Did something happen to Yohan?” Seungwoo asked, curious.

Seungyoun held back a smirk seeing his  _ boyfriend  _ return to his life so comfortably and easily like he had never left. “He told Hangyul he loves him on anesthesia and apparently doesn’t remember it.”

“Oh no,” Seungwoo said, sympathetic.

Hangyul grimaced. “I saw him last night, but I couldn’t bring it up.”

Seungwoo slid the bowls to Hangyul who was armed with a box of sugary cereal and a carton of milk. Seungyoun folded his arms across his chest.  _ Two bowls? Hangyul better be the one you’re leaving out.  _

“And does it bother you?” Seungwoo asked.

“That he said it?” Hangyul said, pouring their breakfasts. He was already used to these questions, but he never minded answering them again. Seungyoun wondered if it was the only way he could talk about things that bothered him because he never answered in circles.

“No, that he doesn’t remember,” he said. 

Hangyul slumped his shoulders and looked at Seungwoo, tired and defeated. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Say it back if you feel the same way even if he was just saying nonsense because he was sick. It had to come from somewhere,” he said, looking back at Seungyoun causing his stomach to flip. “Life is short. Life is  _ really  _ short.”

“You’re right,” he said, sliding the bowl to him. “I’m going to talk to him.”

“I’ve been trying to get you to talk to him for days,” Seungyoun said in disbelief.

“Yeah, but Seungwoo knows what he’s talking about,” he said plainly like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Seungwoo shrugged and nodded as if he agreed, and Seungyoun was ready to fight them both. If Seungwoo was such an expert on love and relationships, he would have let him take care of him when he needed him, but that was something Seungyoun would have to bite his tongue about for a long time.

He stared down at them at the table in disbelief. It was like they were the roommates or boyfriends in the apartment, completely leaving him out. He wouldn’t stand for this. Hangyul was  _ his  _ roommate, and Seungwoo was  _ his  _ boyfriend, and one of them was going to have to share their cereal with him because he was  _ not  _ eating spinach first thing in the morning with a certain lingering taste in his mouth.

He sat next to Seungwoo and batted his pretty lashes in a way that would surely make him want to give him all of his food. Seungwoo lifted a spoonful of colorful loops and milk and wrinkled his nose before shoving them in his own mouth. Seungyoun pouted, and he pretended to ignore him before spoon feeding him the next bite of cereal. Even though the milk dribbled unpleasantly down his chin, he considered it a victory.

“I’m going to lose my appetite,” Hangyul said, looking at them in disgust.

“Then give me your cereal,” Seungyoun said.

“No,” he said defiantly.

“So, you need to talk to Yohan,” Seungwoo said, sliding his bowl across the table to Seungyoun who felt a little bad for it. He only meant to be annoying. “You work together right?”

“Mhm,” Hangyul said, poking his spoon into his owl bowl anxiously.

“And it’s just you three?”

“For now,” Hangyul said looking at him sadly. Seungyoun snorted.

“What?” Seungwoo looked at them both, confused. “Am I missing something?”

“Nothing, babe, keep going,” Seungyoun said, wondering how long it would be before Hangyul’s parents made Seungwoo work at the music store too. If they caught him in this apartment, there was no way out of it. He would be dragged in against his will to sell albums and resort the shelves every single time a petty little fan slipped in under their noses.

Seungwoo gave him a puzzled expression, but he didn’t push the subject, deciding it was an inside joke he had to catch up on. There was a lot he had to catch up on, but they could figure it out (except this joke wasn’t nearly as serious as he might have wondered). Seungyoun gave him an encouraging not, and that was enough for him to continue. “Since Seungyoun worked yesterday, why don’t you and Yohan take the store today and you ask him about it. You don’t have to say you’re ready for that or anything, but you can tell him it’s been on your mind.”

“That’s true,” Hangyul considered.

“He’s been pretty upset,” Seungyoun added. “What if he thinks you want to break up with him?”

“No!” Hangyul said, devastated. “I’m just a little freaked out! That’s normal, right?!”

“Yeah, sure, of course,” they said over each other, trying to convince him that they could at all relate. Seungyoun slid the bowl back, and Seungwoo ate comfortably.

“I can do this,” Hangyul nodded to himself. “You take the day off, and I’ll talk to him.”

“Wow, so you mean I  _ don’t  _ have to work today?” Seungyoun said.

Seungwoo wiggled his eyebrows at him, and Hangyul gagged. 

“Can you guys wait until I leave,” he pleaded. “I don’t want to have that burned in my memory all day.”

“You better hurry up and find Yohan then,” Seungyoun teased. Hangyul jumped up and tossed his bowl in the sink, eager to get as far from them as possible. Now left alone, he swooped over and kissed Seungwoo on the cheek, letting the little patch of morning stubble scrape across his lips. “Thank you.”

“For getting you out of work,” he asked sweetly, returning his kiss. 

“For being here.”

The words made his own heart flutter, and he was the one saying them.  _ It’s real isn’t it? You’re really here again? This isn’t a dream or a sick joke. Am I allowed to fawn over him, or should I wait a little bit? What’s the normal amount of time for a normal person to wait before they can tell their former ex boyfriend how pretty he is and how nice he smells and that his mouth tastes like sunshine. _

Seungwoo cracked into a smile, his eyes lighting up like two twinkling stars.

“What?” Seungyoun said, still shamelessly ogling over him.

“I don’t know if anyone has ever told you this, but when you think to yourself, your mouth moves,” he said, tilting his head fondly.

“I do?” He said, surprised. 

“I also don’t know if you know this, but I can read lips,” he teased.

“You what?”

“My mouth tastes like what now?”

Seungyoun’s face burned hot in horror. All the time he spent yelling at Seungwoo in his head or falling in love with him all to himself, Seungwoo knew? He hid away, cringing at himself so hard it made his teeth hurt. “Oh my god.”

“It’s cute,” he said, running his fingers through his hair that sent a welcome shiver down his spine. “It means I never have to guess what you’re thinking.”

“That can’t always be a good thing,” he grumbled into the table.

“Well, at least I’m not in Yohan’s shoes right now,” he sighed. “Or Hangyul’s, I guess.”

Seungyoun sat up and looked at him. “Then what are you thinking right now, so I don’t have to be either.”

“That I made a mistake,” he said, softly. “Not now, I mean, don’t worry about that. I mean last year. I should have at least given you a choice.”

“Yes, you should have,” he said. “I would have stuck by you no matter what. And I’m going to.”

“I know,” Seungwoo said.

Seungyoun stood up and let out a resolved breath. “Well, let’s not spend my day off sad. I’d rather be at work.”

“Right,” he smiled, taking the rather unsubtle hint. From then on they were together again without any strings attached or stipulations. It would be an adjustment, and there would be moments of anger and resentment, but they had a lifetime to get over that.

They cleaned up from breakfast, had a second, more filling breakfast for two men who needed their strength, and then returned to Seungyoun’s bedroom for some much needed quality bonding time. Half a day of quality bonding time, in fact.

Seungyoun laid with Seungwoo in his arms the way it was supposed to be. He told him about moving in with Hangyul, setting him up with Yohan, working at Hangyul’s parents music store, and anything else he could have missed out on. It wasn’t a lot, in retrospect, but it felt like a completely different world. Seungwoo told him about having surgery and showed him the scar on his head that Seungyoun couldn’t believe he missed. He ran his fingers over it carefully, memorizing the ridge so he could never forget even if it disappeared. He told him about his recovery and the physical therapy the doctors made him go to even though he insisted he was as healthy as a horse, and eventually he told him about going to a therapist for his trauma. They said he had PTSD, and he said he didn’t know that could happen to people who hadn’t been in combat or traumatized in a way that wasn’t a car accident. He explained that the doctor thought it was a combination of the cancer scare, the sudden blindness, and the guilt for causing an accident, but he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that being inside a car filled him with terror, and as long as he didn’t get in one or even consider driving again, he was fine and managing it well. Seungyoun didn’t say anything, but he wasn’t sure that that counted as  _ managing it well.  _ He wouldn’t push him, but he worried that Seungwoo was hiding from it instead of healing like he needed to. 

“Thank you for telling me,” was all he said.

“I don’t want people to think I’m crazy,” Seungwoo admitted sadly, squeezing onto him.

“If a dog bites your hand, it’s not strange to be afraid of dogs,” he said to comfort him, scratching the tips of his fingers against his back. “It will get better. It’s only been a year, right?”

“I guess you have a point,” he said.

“Since I have a car and am much cuter than any taxi driver you might run into, if you ever want to practice, we can do it together,” Seungyoun offered.

Seungwoo hummed and repositioned himself to get more comfortable. “So what are we doing today?”

“We’re supposed to do something today?”

Seungwoo lifted his head and glared at him. He smiled back and pulled it up for a chaste kiss on the lips. He would never take those for granted again.

The day came to an end with them wasting it mostly by hanging all over each other, needing to reassure themselves that they were both really there, that they still were loved by the other, and that no one was upset with anyone.

At some point, Hangyul must have mentioned that Seungyoun and Seungwoo were not only back together but they were right upstairs because Yohan blew up both of their phones with excited messages. It was imperative that the four of them have dinner and drinks that evening at Yohan’s insistence early enough that Seungwoo wouldn’t miss his bus. 

Seungwoo borrowed some of Seungyoun’s clothes since his had been rained on the night before making them smell like old, sour feet, but before they left Seungyoun grabbed him again and pulled him to him. He wrapped his arms around his neck and hovered back just enough that their mouths didn’t touch. “If you change your mind, I’ll take you home.”

Seungwoo flinched to pull away.

“Wait, I’m not pressuring you,” he said, touching his cheek gently. “But if you ever want to try it, I don’t care what I’m doing or where you are, I’ll come to you.”

Seungwoo closed his eyes and nodded. “Thank you.”

Before he could open them again, Seungyoun kissed him. “Now, let’s go team up against Hangyul and Yohan.”

“Yes, they deserve to be bothered,” he agreed.

They let go just long enough to get down the stairs safely without tripping over themselves before reaching out for each other again. He hated to admit it, but he felt alive again. Was it okay to love someone that much again so quickly? He sure hoped so because he couldn’t stop himself if he wanted to. And Seungwoo never once pulled away. In fact he came for him and waited for Seungyoun to reach out. It was like he said  _ I’m here, but I won’t take this choice away from you again,  _ and Seungyoun may have been a fool for opening himself up without question, but the person in question was Seungwoo. He was the only person he would have risked the world for.

“You’re staring again,” he said softly.

“Was I talking to myself?” Seungyoun blinked.

“Not this time,” he smiled. “Just zoned out on my face a bit.”

“Sorry,” he brushed himself off. “We should get going before they think we’ve locked ourselves in my room again.”

“Would that be a bad thing?” Seungwoo teased.

“No,” he said, poking him. “But I think if we blow them off, Hangyul might have a meltdown.”

Seungwoo sighed. “You’re right. We’ve gotta save Hangyul from himself.”

The other two were just inside finishing closing up when they finally wandered in. Hangyul and Yohan were at least standing near each other which was probably a good sign. 

“Oh good, you’re here,” Yohan waved at them with a bright and cheerful expression that meant either Hangyul wasn’t avoiding him anymore or he thought that Seungyoun wouldn’t be mad at him for accidentally setting him up with his own ex boyfriend that he was still on thin ice for even though it actually turned out to be a good thing. It was the principle. 

“You guys talked?” Seungyoun asked, sensing that the tension had lifted.

“WE SURE DID!” Hangyul said, almost shouting with wide crazy eyes. He let out an exaggerated laugh. “CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! YOHAN THOUGHT HIS MOM BROUGHT HIM HOME FROM THE DENTIST! HAHAHA!”

“Oh my god,” Seungwoo muttered.

“Oh no,” Seungyoun mumbled back.

“HE TOTALLY DIDN’T EVEN REMEMBER I WAS THERE,” Hangyul cackled in pain. The two of them laughed with him, feeling sorry for him, and Yohan had no idea what was so funny. It seemed that Hangyul had been in a panic for days because Yohan, in a medicated state, had told him he loved him except Yohan, as it now came to light, thought that Hangyul was his mom and had no memory of confessing anything that would have fast forwarded their relationship. Hangyul had bags under his eyes and was practically erratic. Seungyoun was sure that would end well.

He looked at Seungwoo next to him.  _ Yikes. _ Seungwoo nodded and forced a smile. “So we going?”

“Yeah, we’re done here,” Yohan said, cheerful and without a care in the world.  _ Hangyul might be done by the end of the night judging by the looks of him.  _ Seungwoo elbowed him and shook his head to shoosh him. Seungyoun pressed his lips together tightly. He was going to have to learn how to stop doing that before it got him into trouble, but Yohan didn’t seem to notice. If he did, maybe he couldn’t read lips. Hangyul was too busy having a meltdown on the inside to care either way.

Yohan lead the way, his strides long and confident all the way out the door and to the street. Hangyul lingered behind just enough to shriek that he thought he was his mom before following him out. They locked the store and walked to a place nearby for dinner with some of the strangest layers of varying tension Seungyoun had ever experienced in his life.

“Hey, remember how you said you wanted to kick my ass,” Yohan said, waving the food around in his hand carelessly.

“Yes,” Seungyoun said through his teeth. “I still want to.”

Yohan’s eyes widened. “Why?”

“Because you could have at least told me!” He said.

“Would you have gone?” Seungwoo asked, and Seungyoun’s heart dropped. Would he have? If Yohan would have warned him it was  _ his  _ Seungwoo, would he have blown him off? If Seungwoo would have told him the truth from the beginning that he knew who he was, would he have agreed to meet him? If Seungwoo would have told him the night they met that he knew it was going to be him and he still went, would he have left him there alone? In all honesty, he couldn’t say.

Seungyoun sighed and looked at him sadly, knowing his own anger and hurt would have been enough to ensure that they were kept apart for good. If it weren’t for the facts that Yohan was an idiot, that Hangyul was only somehow moderately helpful, and that Seungwoo was bound and determined to come back into his life, nothing would have changed for the better.

“Let’s wait to beat up Yohan until his mouth is better,” Seungwoo gave him a half smile. He didn’t have to say anything. Seungwoo wasn’t stupid, but it wasn’t like it wasn’t his fault either. It just wasn’t right to pretend that they were meant to fall in love again without a few tricks and leavened circumstances. Seungyoun reached over from under the table and hooked his smaller finger around Seungwoo’s. If it was anyone else, he wouldn’t have had the strength to do so, but this was Seungwoo they were talking about. He was the most unselfish person he had ever met, and he was just trying to protect him in the way he thought was best. He could learn to completely forgive him in time.

“Is this what you guys do,” Hangyul asked, bothered. “You just stare lovingly at each other until enough time passes that you forget you’re with other people?”

“Yes,” they said at the same time.

“Why don’t you stare at me like that,” Yohan pouted.

“Because you’re an idiot,” Hangyul blurted out.

“Hey! What did I ever do to you? I can take that from him because I really fucked up, but you’re supposed to be my boyfriend. You’re supposed to be  _ nice  _ to me. How am I supposed to think you love me when you act like you don’t even like me?”

Hangyul looked at him with red shaking eyes, something terrible awakening inside of him.  _ Uh oh.  _ “Oh? You want to feel loved,” he asked, his voice high and erratic. “Like how you told  _ me  _ you loved me after you got your teeth pulled, but you thought I was your mom?!”

Yohan shrank back. “I didn’t mean…”

“Yeah, you know how stressed I was for days because we’ve never said that to each other, and the first time it happens it’s because I reminded you of  _ mommy?!” _

“It’s because you’re so kind and nurturing,” Yohan winced, holding his arms in front of his face to protect himself.

“Maybe if you gave me a reason to look at you like that, I would.”  _ Uh oh. _

“You didn’t say it either,” Yohan said quietly. His eyes darted to Seungyoun and Seungwoo, obviously embarrassed that he had to do this in front of them. They gave him an encouraging nod before looking away to give them some more privacy, choosing instead to stare awkwardly at each other while trying not to make reactive faces. “You’re like my bro, but like my  _ special _ bro, but what am I supposed to say if all you do is call me an idiot and make Seungyoun work extra days so you don’t have to see me.”

Seungyoun peeked back at them. Hangyul paled. 

“I was freaked out,” Hangyul said. “I thought you–.”

“You thought I said it, right?” Yohan said, pissed enough to make the air shift. “Maybe I did, and when I did, you couldn’t wait to get away from me so I let you think I forgot about it so you wouldn’t get scared and leave me over what I guess was a mistake. Maybe I said it because I was so happy that you went out of your way to take care of me that it reminded me of my mom.”

He set down the utensils he was holding and stood up to leave. 

“I need some air,” Yohan said, leaving the three of them alone to process. Hangyul looked devastated. Seungyoun wanted to offer a word of encouragement, but what was he supposed to say? Hangyul  _ was  _ freaked out, and he  _ was  _ avoiding him. He couldn’t even really make up his mind if he wanted it to be true or not, and Yohan had given him multiple chances to pretend like it didn’t happen. Yohan had been willing to suck it up and wait for Hangyul to catch up to him, but instead he was pushed away and called out in front of his friends for something they should have dealt with themselves. So he bit his tongue and waited for Hangyul to make a decision himself.

“I don’t want to deal with this,” Hangyul said quietly, putting his head in his hands.

“Why not?” Seungwoo asked.

“Because then everything is going to be different,” he said.

“It already is,” Seungyoun said. Hangyul lifted his head up and looked at them both. He stood up as if he was being controlled by an outside force and headed towards the door. “Should we follow them?”

Seungwoo looked at him and shook his head. “I think they would do better without an audience.”

Seungyoun sighed and slumped in his seat. How else was he supposed to know who won?

“You don’t resent me, do you,” Seungwoo said quietly, his thoughts reflected in someone else’s fight.

He shook his head. “I probably will some days.”

“That’s fair.”

Seungyoun offered him a half smile. At least they were pretty good at talking to each other.

Hangyul and Yohan never came back. Accepting that they had been left alone with the tab, and thT Seungwoo had to get to his bus stop before it was too late, they paid for the four meals and left.

“I guess this is it then,” Seungwoo said sadly. “I won’t be able to come by for a few days because I have work and my appointment.”

“That’s fine,” Seungyoun said. “I can come to you a lot easier so just let me know when it’s a good time.”

Seungwoo nodded, the frown on his face softening. “I’ll see you, then.”

“Okay,” he said, following him in the opposite direction of his home.

“Where are you going?” He laughed.

“I’m walking my boyfriend home,” he said, taking his hand.

“Your  _ boyfriend?”  _ Seungwoo teased.

Seungyoun looked back at him, confused. “What else am I supposed to call you?”

“I like boyfriend,” he said, giving his hand a squeeze. “I just didn’t know that you wanted me to be that again.”

“Do you want to be?”

His heart raced as he came to the conclusion that maybe he had also taken things too far in his head the way Yohan had. Maybe Seungwoo had wanted to take things slow or be friends first or try out a friends with benefits thing that left them both emotionally drained an insecure. Seungwoo frowned at him.

“What?” Seungyoun’s voice cracked.

“I can’t tell what you’re thinking when you don’t move your mouth,” he said.

“Then you shouldn’t have told me I do that,” he laughed. “You’ll just have to be surprised like a normal person.”

Seungwoo hummed. “For now, I want to be your boyfriend.”

“What about later?” his eyes widened. 

“You’ll just have to be surprised like a normal person.”

They walked comfortably together to the bus stop. Seungwoo expected him to leave him there, but Seungyoun had other plans. There wasn’t anyone else waiting so he sat next to him on the bench and placed his head on his shoulder. It wasn’t much, but it recharged him. He thought about it, and he was glad no one told him it was the same Seungwoo and he was glad that Seungwoo made the effort to come to him. If he was perfectly honest, if he knew it was an option, he would have begged helplessly to have him back, but he never would have fully won him over. Seungwoo needed to do it on his own. He needed to do a lot on his own, but that didn’t mean he had to do it  _ alone. _

“I want to help you,” he said.

“Help me with what,” Seungwoo asked.

“Your recovery,” Seungyoun said, and he shifted beneath him uncomfortably. “When you’re ready, of course, but I think it would be a lot better if we take it one step at a time together.”

“Seungyoun, I can’t,” he said.

He nodded, not wanting to argue with him. The seed had been planted, and now all he needed was to wait to see if it sprouted. He would come to the conclusion that Seungyoun was right on his own when he wanted to.

The bus came, and he kissed him sadly goodbye before sending him off. It felt silly to wave farewell to a city bus as it pulled away, but it was Seungwoo so he could endure it. He could endure anything.

  
  


At some point he convinced himself that everything was back to normal, and for him maybe it was, but Seungwoo was still searching for his new normal in secret. His doctor visits and therapy sessions were an enigma and kept locked behind closed doors, and he wasn’t sure that Seungwoo was getting better at all. He convinced himself and everyone else around him that he could manage it, but the more time they spent together, the more he noticed that something wasn’t right.

Seungwoo barely slept through the night because of his nightmares. He wept in his sleep, and Seungyoun could never manage to wake him up so all he could do was hold him as Seungwoo fought through whatever pain he was holding onto deep inside that he refused to tell anyone about. 

“You’ve told your therapist about this, right?” He had asked once after a long night, but Seungwoo only got angry with him and said it had nothing to do with the accident so he didn’t have to. He never brought it up again.

Sometimes when the lights flickered because of bad weather he jumped and frantically rubbed his eyes, worried he was going blind again, but once he was sure he was fine, he pretended like nothing happened. Sometimes loud noises startled him, and sometimes silence freaked him out even more. And Seungyoun had no idea how he was supposed to help take care of him like he promised he would.

One night they had gotten carried away, spending too much time together at the store long after hours with Hangyul and Yohan (who the night of the fight he came home to find on the couch all over each other like two teenagers left at home all night by themselves, scarring him permanently), and the hours passed like minutes before the unspeakable happened. Seungwoo missed his bus and was stranded on the wrong side of town.

“Shit,” he swore, looking at the time on his phone in a panic. “I can’t do this. I have a meeting at work in the morning, and I’ll never make it.”

“What do we do,” Seungyoun asked, feeling like this was partly his fault. He should have set an alarm. They were never this careless. Time and a bus schedule were literally the only things they had to be aware of, and they ran out of it before they ever realized.

“You can drive him, can’t you,” Yohan offered, not really aware of just how impossible that was.

Seungyoun looked at Seungwoo worried, not sure how to answer. He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I can’t.”

“Maybe you can,” Seungyoun stepped towards him. “I’ll go extra careful. It’ll be the most boring car ride of your life.”

He shook his head and waved him off. “No, I’ll think of something. How far is the subway from here? I can walk the rest of the way.”

“Seungwoo,” he scolded.

“I can leave early in the morning and go straight to work,” he said, frantic. “I can make it.”

“What happens if you miss the meeting?” Hangyul asked.

“I’ll probably lose my job,” he huffed in agony. 

“We can do this,” Seungyoun stepped forward. “It’s not that far. It only takes me like twenty minutes to get there, and that’s not even a full album’s worth of songs. We can turn it into a Red Velvet room on wheels. It’s dark so you won’t even notice.”

Seungwoo shook his head, unsure. 

“I’m going to be right there with you the whole time,” he said. “You can’t lose your job over this.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, determined. There wasn’t a single part of Seungyoun that wanted to make him get in the car with him, but if he didn’t he would never forgive himself. Seungwoo would never forgive himself either. The trauma was ruining his life, and it was time he faced it once and for all. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

Seungwoo nodded. “Let’s go.”

They told Yohan and Hangyul goodbye before walking to Seungyoun’s car. Seungwoo stood at the passenger door, pale, unable to get inside.

“Take all the time you need,” he said patiently. As long as they made it back to Seungwoo’s apartment in time for him to get some sleep, it was going to be fine. They had all night. 

Seungwoo took a breath and touched the handle, getting used to the way it felt against his fingers. Seungyoun wished for once he could tell what he was thinking. He didn’t understand his fear in a way he could relate to it, but he wasn’t sure how to comfort him either.  _ You can trust me. You’ll be safe. Nothing bad is going to happen to us. _

He pulled the door open and sat inside, shutting himself in. Seungyoun got in quickly before he could change his mind. Seungwoo looked around the inside, wary, taking it all in. He touched the leather of the seats and flicked the air freshener that hung from the rear view member.

“Seat belt,” Seungyoun sang, cheerful.

“Oh!” He said before strapping himself in. “I almost forgot.”

“It’s been a while,” he said softly. Seungwoo nodded, biting down on his lip. He wasn’t able to speak anymore, but that was alright. He didn’t need to. “I’m going to start the car now.”

He closed his eyes and waited. As the engine fired up, he gripped the seat, afraid, but so far, he was fine.

“Putting it in reverse,” he said quietly.

Seungwoo nodded to tell him he was okay, his chest rising and falling heavily.

“Backing up…”

“Turning…”

“Pulling forward…”

He quietly told him everything he was going to do before he did it until they left the parking garage. So far Seungwoo was alright.

“Do you want music?”

“Not yet,” he said, finally speaking. The only sounds they heard were the tires rolling on the ground and their own breathing. Seungyoun swallowed nervously, scared to go too quickly.

Seungwoo eventually relaxed in his seat and released a breath. Seungyoun took it as a cue that he could go a little faster. Not much, but enough to keep them moving. He wanted to reach out to grab his hand, but he wasn’t sure if Seungwoo was ready to ride in the car with someone who didn’t have both hands on the wheel at all times.

“You can go the speed limit,” he said finally.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he said, his throat dry. If they did this again, Seungyoun was going to have to make sure to give him a bottle of water first so he would be comfortable.

He sped up a little, not wanting to startle him. After a few minutes, Seungwoo relaxed again and hooked up his phone to the radio. He turned the volume down to where they could barely hear it, but it was enough to soothe him. He played their old music that Seungyoun was used to hearing him play for them a year before, avoiding the pop songs he recently began collecting. It was a rainy day hip hop playlist they used to listen to when they didn’t feel like doing anything. He used to curl up on the couch with his head in Seungwoo’s lap while Seungwoo spaced out for hours, lost in his own thoughts. He was the only person Seungyoun could sit still with for that long with. For a moment, he forgot what they were so tense about.

But then a van pulled out in front of them, driving wildly, and Seungyoun had to slam on his breaks to keep them from colliding. He swore loudly as his arm reached across instinctively to hold back Seungwoo’s chest, but it was too late. He heard a gasp next to him as Seungwoo began to panic.

“It's okay,” he said. “It’s fine! We’re safe. You’re safe.”

“Pull over,” Seungwoo said, gasping for air. He clutched his chest and started wheezing like he was being suffocated.

“We’re almost there–.”

“Pull over!” Seungwoo shouted.

He pulled the car off to the side of the road, but before he could turn it off, Seungwoo was out and halfway down the sidewalk. He jumped out to follow him, not at all considering that he could have been hit by a car in the process and ran after him. “Seungwoo!”

Seungwoo fell to his knees, holding himself up with his palms flat on the ground, still gasping for air that wouldn’t come. “I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.”

Seungyoun dropped down next to him and wrapped his body around him, wiping the sweat from his forehead with one hand and holding him up with the other. He had read before somewhere that compressing someone in a panicked state could help them ground themselves, or the advice said the exact opposite and he just got confused. Either way, holding onto him felt like the right thing to do.

“Shhh,” he said, coaxing him. “It’s okay. I’m right here.”

Seungwoo let out a sob and clung onto him. “I can’t fucking do this.”

“Yes, you can! Look how well you did! You weren’t panicking at all, and we’re halfway home!”

“I was shitting myself,” he cried out. “We almost died!”

“Shhhh, you did great. That wasn’t your fault. That was some idiot acting dangerous, and I’m sure the traffic cameras caught his license plate,” he said, rocking him back and forth. “I’ll sue them, and we’ll spend all of his money on pizza.”

Seungwoo sniffled.  _ “I can’t do this.” _

“You already did,” he said. “You did well.”

He clung onto him and sobbed until he caught his breath and calmed down, quivering in his arms like someone who had seen a ghost or faced their worst fear unexpectedly. It wasn’t exactly a victory, but it was a start.

“We need to go home before someone tows me,” he said softly. Seungwoo whimpered and shook his head. “I can’t get back in there. I can find my own way home. I’ll be okay. You go.”

“I’m not leaving you,” he said. “We made a promise that we wouldn’t leave each other, didn’t we.”

“This doesn’t count,” he said, his body no longer trembling.

“Yes, it does,” he kissed him, and Seungwoo dropped his head on his shoulder in an all too familiar way. 

“Go,” he said into his neck.

“No?”

“Go…”

“Bro?”

“Go!” He shouted, falling into a fit of laughter. “Go…”

“Toe?” He said, softly. Seungwoo looked up and glared at him. “Show?”

He closed his swollen eyes and shook his head. 

“Let’s try again,” he said. “But this time, I have a new idea.”

He lead Seungwoo back to the car by a clammy, shaky hand. It was the first time he had ever considered the fact that Seungwoo was actually slightly smaller than him, and he wanted to scoop him up in his arms and keep him safe from anything bad in the world.

“What are we doing?” He asked.

“I want you to get in the backseat,” he said.

“Why?” Seungwoo asked, surprised.

“Because that’s the safest place, right? They say that’s where kids should ride so they don’t get hurt in case there’s an accident, and also because you won’t be able to see as well through the front window. And you can reach forward and grab onto me if you need to.”

“Isn’t that going to make you feel like a ride service?” Seungwoo joked weakly.

“If you want, you can pretend you’re a rich crime boss, and I’m your sexy and mysterious driver who also knows taekwondo and protects you from your enemies while servicing you in private after we have too many glasses of champagne,” he offered.

“Your imagination is too much,” Seungwoo laughed.

“Your ride is here, CEO Han,” he bowed his head, opening the backseat door for him. “I’m supposed to take you to your residence where Mr. Kim is surely ready to say something annoying about how late it is.”

Seungwoo snorted and sat down without hesitation. Seungyoun closed the door and smiled to himself. If it worked, it worked.

“Eyes on the road, Driver Cho,” Seungwoo said once he got in. “My enemies could be on our tail.”

“If we’re not careful, we might get caught and the reporters would have a field day,” he agreed. “You’ll never get to be president if the nation finds out that you’ve fallen in love with me.”

“Oh?” Seungwoo laughed as he pulled the car away. Seungyoun glanced at him and smiled in the rear view mirror. “Yes, our affair is really scandalous, and you should be lucky I’m so handsome.”

“Is this roleplay for you or for me,” he asked.

“Oh, it’s for me! Now, if you feel like we’re being followed, make sure you say something so I can pull over and we can go makeout in the bushes until it’s safe again,” he said still in character, but the meaning was clear. If Seungwoo started to panic again, he would pull over and they could walk around until he calmed down. He didn’t care how long it took, he was going to get him home safe.

“How did a driver like you get yourself caught up in my dark criminal web of scandals and blood money,” Seungwoo said from the back seat, playing along.

“It was when you wrote me into your inheritance to spite all your terrible relatives,” Seungyoun said, wistful. “Me, a simple driver who is also devastatingly handsome and good at everything, destined to inherit billions. It was fate.”

“Wouldn’t you inherit it faster if you threw me away,” Seungwoo asked.

“No, I want to protect you until I’m old and bad at fighting,” he said. “Then you can buy me a mansion, and the reporters will have to question why your driver gets to live so comfortably when your family gets scraps.”

“I can’t believe I wrote you into my will without considering how insufferable you are,” Seungwoo rubbed his temple dramatically. 

“That was your own fault,” he said. He sped the car up a little while they had their little banter, keeping in mind the way Seungwoo’s voice rose and fell as the car changed directions. As long as he could keep him distracted while still being mindful of his reactions, he was sure they could make it. Seungwoo seemed to like sitting in the backseat more, his eyes not leaving Seungyoun’s reflection in the rear view mirror except to look down at his phone. He ever laughed comfortably after a while, mostly at Seungyoun’s expense, but it still counted.

It took a lot longer than it normally did when he drove himself over to Seungwoo’s place from having to stop several times on the way, but he didn’t complain. Seungwoo had made a world of progress in just an hour that he never wanted to try making before, and he was proud of him for it. They finally got to his building, and Seungyoun followed him up. Seungwoo was extra clingy and giggly as they continued their game up to the front door.

“You don’t have to take me inside,” Seungwoo said, his arms around his waist like he didn’t intend for him  _ not  _ to go inside with him.

“Shh,” Seungyoun craned his neck for a proper kiss and whispered. “You’re an important person. It might be a trap.”

“Hmm? And what are you going to do if it is,” he asked playfully, feeling better than before. 

“I’m going to take you undercover,” he said. Seungwoo rolled his eyes at the cheese and let go to unlock the door. They stepped in, completely enamoured with each other, and were so busy being terrible, neither one of them had noticed that they walked in on Wooseok shoveling ice cream into his mouth in a cat onesie.

“You’re home!” He exclaimed, scrambling up to greet them, more moritfied than happy to see either of them. “It’s so late? I thought you were staying at Seungyoun’s. Did you catch the bus?”

Seungwoo shook his head. “Seungyoun drove me here.”

Wooseok looked at him shocked.  _ “Drove?  _ Like in a car?”

“Yep!” He said, proud of himself. “All the way here!”

“That’s amazing,” he said, looking at them both. “Seungyoun, I’m sorry I said you were annoying.”

“Likewise,” he said with a thin mouth.

“Do you guys want any ice cream?” Wooseok held the container out awkwardly.

“No thanks,” Seungwoo said with a yawn. “I think I need to get to sleep.”

He turned to give Seungyoun a grateful kiss on the cheek, but if he thought he was going to be saying goodbye, he had another thing coming. If there was something Seungyoun knew about Seungwoo, it was that as soon as his bedroom door shut, his high would run out, and he would suffer alone in the dark for the rest of the night, letting everyone think on the contrary that he was cured and well again. Seungyoun was going to be on the other side of that door once it shut whether he liked it or not. He had made a promise, and he intended to keep it.

“Can I borrow some of your clothes or would you rather me sleep naked,” he asked boldly.

“You don’t have to stay,” Seungwoo said, the veil already starting to crumble.

“Yes I do,” he said, unfaltering. “I guess I’ll just have to sleep on the couch then. Or maybe I can borrow Wooseok’s bed…”

“No you can’t!” They both shouted. Seungwoo grabbed him and pulled him into his room reluctantly. He couldn’t keep it up anymore, but that was okay. He didn’t have to with him. The door shut behind them, and Seungyoun pulled him close to him, keeping his promise while Seungwoo conquered the first wave of his long journey to getting better.

  
  


“Are you sure about this?”

They were in the middle of nowhere. Literally. It was just the two of them at a rest stop hours away from the city where there was barely another soul in sight. It took a while to find one that wasn’t completely flooded with tourists, travelers, and other visitors who would have only gotten in the way, but there they were, ready for the next wave.

It took a whole year to get to the point where they were then with Seungwoo at his bravest. A couple times a week for the first couple of months, Seungyoun drove Seungwoo around a few blocks in their neighborhoods until he could ride in the front seat again. Then after a few more months, Seungwoo no longer needed to take the bus going back and forth from their homes unless he just wanted to surprise him. After almost a year, he trusted Yohan enough to pick him up one time, but that didn’t go very well, but it wasn’t Yohan’s fault he didn’t know how to play the game well enough to replace the Most Handsome Driver Cho.

Seungyoun wasn’t sure about this. He buried his doubts privately, worried that it was too soon, but it was Seungwoo who made the suggestion that they try it. It took some planning around travel time, distance, fair weather, and their own schedules but they made it. It was the beginning of spring, and the ground was still wet from the morning dew. That added to his nerves. It would have been ideal if they came later in the morning when the road was dry, but Seungwoo wanted to rip the bandaid off. And if he was ready, then they both would have to be.

Seungwoo nodded and extended out his hand, his palm facing up like he was catching a droplet of water. Seungyoun placed the keys in his hand and watched anxiously as it folded around them. It was like he was facing his own fear.  _ What if he can’t do it? _

“I can do it,” he said quietly. 

“Sorry,” Seungyoun mumbled.

“You’ve stuck by my side this long without complaining,” he said. “It’s okay to be nervous.”

“I just don’t want you to think you’re not doing well if this doesn’t go as planned,” he said.

“I know,” he nodded. “But I have to try.”

Seungyoun nodded too. He walked around to the passenger side and got in the car and waited for Seungwoo to get in. He stood outside by himself for a few minutes, weighing the keys in his hand as he came to terms with his decision. It was going to be the first time he drove since the accident two years before, and it was a big deal. He got in the car and sat still for another handful of minutes before sticking the keys in the ignition. Seungyoun did his best not to hold his breath, but the anticipation was killing him. He then cranked up the car and spent a peculiar amount of time adjusting the seat and mirrors for someone who wasn’t supposed to be driving very far, but Seungyoun didn’t say anything. If that was what he needed…

“I’m ready,” Seungwoo said, resolved.

He put the car in reverse and backed out of the space slowly, his cheeks flushing a hot red.

“It’s okay,” he said quietly. “There’s no one here.”

Seungwoo nodded and pushed forward. He wasn’t going very fast, but he was moving and completely in control. “I’m doing it.”

“You’re doing it!” He encouraged him.

“I’m doing it,” Seungwoo cheered. He went a little faster, cautious of his staggering breaths. A few minutes passed, and they were looping around the parking lot without a care in the world.  _ “I’m doing it!” _

“Good going,” he cheered. They drove around in circles for over an hour, probably looking like lunatics from the outside, but Seungwoo was slowly getting braver. He practiced making several different kinds of turns, parking, reversing, and driving slightly faster than walking speed. Seungyoun couldn't have been anymore proud.

The approached the later hours of morning, and Seungwoo parked the car in a spot and turned off the engine. 

“What’s wrong,” Seungyoun asked.

“I’m getting kind of hungry,” he said.

“You had a big day.”

He smiled, proud of himself.

They both got out of the car, and if one were to think they were going to go inside the rest stop to get something to eat, one would have been mistaken. Seungyoun got back in the driver’s seat and adjusted all of his mirrors back to where they were supposed to be, and Seungwoo returned to the passenger’s seat without any hesitation or worries. He may have not noticed the major improvement, but whenever Seungyoun thought of the way his nails dug into the seat in terror before compared to the way he reached over and took his hand on his own when they traveled around together, his heart grew three sizes.

“Let’s go, I’m starving,” he said.

But first, Seungyoun had something he needed to do.

“I got you something,” he said.

“A snack?” Seungwoo asked, only worried about his stomach.

“No,” he laughed. “Open the glove compartment.”

Seungwoo looked at him confused, but he did as he was told. There was an envelope on top of all the junk a person normally kept inside that little box, but the envelope was for him specifically.

“This?” He asked, holding it up.

“Mhm! Open it!”

Seungwoo hummed to himself as he opened it and slid out the contents. He held the two slips in his hands, puzzled, not really registering what they were. “What is this?”

“What does it look like?”

“They look like plane tickets,” he said.

“Yes.”

“To where?”

“Where does it say,” Seungyoun asked.

“Italy,” he said, still puzzled. 

_ “Mhm,”  _ he said.

“Who?”

_ “Mhm…” _

“How?” 

_ “Mhmmm…” _

“What?”

“You took too long,” Seungyoun said softly.

“Too long to do what?”

“You were supposed to buy us plane tickets to Italy for some real pizza with my own money, remember,” he said, recalling their terrible blind date that Yohan set them up on even though they were two very sore and bothered ex boyfriends.

Seungwoo smiled at the memory, only his back teeth showing. “That pizza was terrible.”

“It was,” he said.

“Why,” he asked.

“Because I’m proud of you,” he said. “And I love you. And where else am I supposed to make a grand gesture if not in Italy over a world famous slice of pizza?”

“What kind of gesture,” Seungwoo asked, his face flushed.

“Is there a kind you don’t want me to make?”

He looked down and shook his head, forcing back a smile that gave him away completely. It seemed like they both were about to find out what came after boyfriend a little sooner than either of them had expected, taking a completely different direction that Seungyoun would have ever expected in his life while he was impatiently waiting for the blind date he didn’t want to meet who technically never showed.

_ Not  _ like normal people.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! I really hope this wasn’t too much and too ridiculous. 😭 I feel bad for the length 
> 
> I’m sorry for any sneaky mistakes I did my best to proofread it :s


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